Connection, kids and the Festive Season

We are embarking on one of the busiest times of year... the festive season! In this episode listen as host Shelley Clarke shares with us how we can prioritise connection in our family.  Hear about how to frame the big feelings that inevitably come up for our children during festive season and the tips and tools we can use to really make the most of these school holidays.

In this episode you'll learn about:
- what a connection plan is and how you can easily create one for your family
- how understanding and planning 'decompression' days can benefit your child and your sanity
- how to make your child feel safe and connected at parties and events this festive season
-  how to use attachment play to facilitate comfort and safety for your child at family events
- what the broken cookie and spoiled outing analogies are and how they can help you stay connected to your child

If you are wanting to hear how to stay connected to your kids during this festive season, then this is the podcast episode for you!

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Continue the conversation with Shelley here:
https://www.facebook.com/shelleyclarkemindbodyparenting
https://www.instagram.com/_shelleyclarke_/

This podcast is produced by Nikki O'Brien from Quintessential Being

Transcript

 Shelley Clarke  00:00

I wish to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands I live on. I pay my respects to the Kaurna people elders past and present, and honour their ongoing traditions. Welcome to the mind body parenting podcast. I'm your host, Shelley Clarke. Here I talk about all things mind and body and how this relates to ourselves and our parenting. I envision a world where children are seen and heard, and parents feel supported and less alone. Join me here in the power of story, expert knowledge and lived experiences. Let's dive in. Today's episode is brought to you by kids in Adelaide. For all the best events, activities, places to visit and things to do with your kids in Adelaide and around South Australia. Visit www.kidsinadelaide.com.au. Welcome back to the mind body parenting podcast. I'm your host, Shelley Clarke. And this week's episode is me, flying solo again, talking all about connection for the holidays. This is an extremely busy time of year. And I wanted to talk about how we are prioritising connection in our family and giving you some tips and things that you could try if you wanted to, to really make the most of these school holidays coming up. So let's dive in. Okay, so first of all, I wanted to talk a little bit about connection plans, what they are, and how you can use them in your family. So very briefly, connection plan is a term from hand in hand parenting. And it's really how we can nut out how we want to make changes in our family. And so you would start with your needs as a parent, and making sure you've got your exercise and your work and downtime or whatever it might be in the week. And then how you would plan to connect with your child, it might be that certain times of the day are really hard for one of one or two of your kids or whatever it might be. And so you might plan to connect just before you leave to go out the door or before that difficult time. So you're you're planning out where you might find some connection or some one on one time, or some family time in your week. And it really helps you to focus some energy and attention on how we can bring connection back into the family. And really, it can just be a list of things, or you just spending 10 minutes writing out a bit of a plan of how you might connect or play with a certain thing or whatever it might be with your child. And I'll talk a little bit more about the different types of play that you might use later on. So connection plan, effectively, that's what we're talking about today. So this time of year, this is a very busy time of year. We've got social events, we've got end of school functions and assemblies, we've got sports wrapping up, there's extra family functions, there's just a lot going on this time, this time of year, as we lead into, you know, the Christmas period, the school holiday period. And this may you know whether you celebrate Christmas or not, hopefully this this episode is helpful because it's really about building connection throughout the holidays. My first point that I wanted to kind of highlight is really understanding and being mindful of how many things that you have on in your week, or what is this weekend schedule looking like? Where can you find some downtime and some times to be slow around the commitments that are in the diary. And so one of the very first parenting books that I ever read was simplicity parenting by Kim Jong Payne and he talks a lot about rhythm in that book and creating a rhythm and a flow throughout your day and your week. And one thing I always remember from that book is sandwiching a busy day with two slow days either side so that you've got days to decompress and days for our children's bodies and nervous systems to recalibrate after a really busy day or before a really busy day. Now that might be even if you've got something on in the morning, you might have a slower thing in the afternoon. If you've got something you know really busy Sunday, you might or a Saturday you might have a really slow Sunday. So being really mindful of trying not to over schedule The family, the kids, and just being even more mindful that the parties are overstimulating, the being around family that they might not see all year is really hard for some kids, the foods, there's extra foods that they may not be eating all the time. So then nervous systems in their bodies are going often really heightened. And so therefore, we know that when our natural way of recovering from stress and overwhelm is through crying, that we are likely to see more tears throughout this time, or more and enjoyable behaviours, which may need a loving limit for us to offer a loving limit. So we can, you know, listen to the feelings that are underneath, driving the unenjoyable behaviours that we might be seeing, through, you know, the holiday period. So just being really mindful of how scheduled the week is and saying no, if we need to, if the kids are, you know, really feeling it and neither down day or need some quiet time at home, to really know that we can say no, and we can prioritise their well being. And sometimes we can't always do that, but it's just looking at where we can and where we might be able to include some slower mornings or some slower time. So that's the first thing is being mindful of the schedule. Also, understanding that, as I mentioned just a little bit earlier that when we have an increase in unenjoyable behaviours, when behaviours start to go a bit off, often it's been driven by feelings. And if we can come in and offer a loving limit and listen to those feelings, then often kids will then settle in and be able to, you'll see a decrease in those behaviours. So next is how can we place connection high on the list and really prioritise connection as a family. And that might mean that you do make a bit of a plan, like we're talking about, so that connection is high, and when connections high, then you'll see less of those unenjoyable behaviours, kids will feel really connected to you, they're more likely to help out, they're more willing to, you know, go with the flow and be flexible and all those things. So now how do we place connection high on the priority list, it just means making a plan. So what might this plan look like? We are doing a connection calendar. So instead of an N for Advent Calendar this year, we've made a connection calendar. And so from the first of December, we've made some little envelopes and put in a different thing each day where we're going to focus on connection, a fun thing, a family game, something that we can do all together to really put connection kind of high on our on our list of things to do. And I'll talk a little bit more about what that calendar will look like. And some of the things we'll include in a minute. So it might be that you can increase some one on one time, if you've got the ability to have more one on one time with with each child or with your child. And again, really remembering that with connection, it's really your presence, that is the biggest gift that you can give a child it's you just showing up and being interested in what they are doing. It's you're saying, Hey, tell me about the book you're reading? Or can you explain what's happening in this video game or the game that you're playing? Or it's you just coming alongside them and asking about their day and following their play, and just being there present with them. And that's the biggest thing that we can do with our kids. So a little reminder, so we've talked about mindful of our schedule, coming into school holidays, talking about placing connection high on the list, and I want to talk a bit more about that what that will look like in it without connection calendar in a little minute. And the third point that I wanted to remind listeners of is that as we near the end of school term now some of you may have that school, school aged children and some of you may not but as we end the end of the school year, it's really busy the first sort of three to five days of school holidays I always talk about them being decompression days. We can have some really big feelings coming out during that time siblings can be squabbling can be you know crying over you've cut the toast the wrong way there's not enough food they don't like what your observe them. They don't want to get dressed, you know, just anything is you know, bringing up these tears and you know, or whinging and whining or whatever it might be an Often, parents can think holy moly, this is four days in. And this is what school holidays is going to look like. But often, the kids will need time to offload their feelings to decompress from the busyness of the school year, but also just the term and come back into some balance. And so what I would recommend, and what I always try and do is to make sure my first three to five days of school holidays is very free. Not a lot of scheduled things. No playdates not going places not filling the days that they're active and wearing them out. And you know, I'm not. So we're trying to avoid the feelings often when we're being busy, but actually creating a space for them to really offload and to wind down after school holiday after schools finished. And so I try not to do too much in those first few days. And it's hard because I want to, you know, it's hard because I, when there's an enjoyable behaviours, when kids aren't listening, you know, I even have to remind myself that this is actually feelings, there's things underneath going on for them. Listen, it helps me to be compassionate to remember that this is very normal for all kids to sort of wind down after school has finished. And so with these decompression days, we try I try and do maybe something in nature, you know, go out to the beach, go for a walk, or a scooter ride, but really trying to keep most of the day free, so that we have a lot of time for those feelings to bubble up. And when I'm focusing on connection, the feelings often bubble up to the surface to be heard and expressed. And then once they've had a chance for that to be moved through the rest of school holidays will feel a lot more in sync and a lot more in flow. And, you know, we often see this, you know, siblings start to get along better and play more freely together, because they've been able to offload those feelings. So that's just a little reminder of those decompression days when you first come on to school holidays. Okay, so now I wanted to talk a little bit more about the connection calendar that we are creating for our family. So we're going to start this on the first of December, and we've made the envelopes today with the kids, they've decorated them. And I'll put a little thing in each day where we pull out and that's what we'll do for the day, that will be our focus or that will be our little game. Now, this does not have to be fancy or do not want these, you don't have to do it at all, obviously. But if it's something that you would like to do, it doesn't have to be, you know, a Pinterest craft project, it can really be 25 Things that you put on a piece of paper and cut them up and put them in a jar and pull them out each day. Or you can get 25 envelopes right in each of them and just have them in a box and you pull you pull the one out each day. And you do that. I don't ever want people to feel like they have to do things and this is certainly something you do not have to do. There is no half dues in any of the things that I ever suggest. It's more if you feel like it's something that you would like to focus on. Then these are some ideas. Okay, so some ideas that we've got so far. Build a cubby house and have a picnic dinner in it. Fish and chips on the beach. What else have I got? Do some Christmas baking have dessert for dinner and a movie night? A family sock fight? What else have we got? Oh a family Christmas carols dance off. We've also got make a card make a Christmas card and give to a neighbour. So something more community based in terms of building connection with neighbours and you know those in your in your neighbourhood have a big, ginormous bubble bath. I want to fight in the backyard. You know these are some ideas really it can be anything that you want to do with your family. I'm sure we will have some sort of family soccer game. And again, it doesn't have to be money that you spend. This is about time and creating time and some of them might be 15 minutes a day where you do a family soccer, you know family sock fight or a family wrestling game or whatever it is and it can be Christmas related. It can be you know, make, draw, do a painting and take that to someone in your community. It might not, you know, receive a Christmas present this year or thinking of, you know, making a present or doing something and dropping it to someone in need or, you know, it's creating connection within your family, but also connection within your community and wider community and wider extended family and friends and things like that. So we have done, we've done part of the connection plan connection, calendar, and I will be writing out the 25 ideas. Tonight. As I said, there, some of them, I'll put some more ideas on social media as well with this episode, so that we can kind of come on there and share some connection ideas, when it might be that you go for a family walk, or a hike, there also be different depending on the age of your child. So for a three or four year old, it might be more of the attachment play games that you play. So it can be for as lava or volcano game or roughhousing or hide and seek or any of these, you know, fun games for for your for three, four or five year olds, as they get a bit older, it might be more like watching a movie, my kids want to sleep on the trampoline, that will be another one we've got like a trampoline that's got a cover on it. And they've always wanted to sleep on the trampoline as a family. So we might have a camp out on the trampoline, it might be that you move all the mattresses into you know, the lounge room and you have asleep out in there. It might be a picnic dinner, in front of the TV or whatever it might be little things as you get on to teenagers, it might be like going to the movies or, you know, a massage, foot massage, any of those things that really build connection with, with your children and you know your children best and what they would love. And so you can curate your list of things to suit their needs and suit their interests and what works in your family. But a connection calendar is just another way of really focusing on connection as we lead into the school holidays. And when we focus on connection, often, we see less of those unenjoyable big behaviours because our children will feel connected to us. It's when we get busy, it's when the social event events increase, it's where they have accumulated feelings that we see a lot of the unenjoyable behaviours come out, and more and more crying and meltdowns in unenjoyable places, you know. So hopefully, when you create the space and the downtime at home, you're listening to the feelings at home, it makes when you go out to the end of year barbecue, your kid is more likely to feel very imbalanced feel connected to you. And they're more likely to have an enjoyable time when they go, as opposed to feeling overwhelmed by the environment. The other thing that I'll mention just on that is that it can be really hard for children, if they're going into spaces and places that they don't usually go, it can be very overwhelming. And so a couple of things that we always try and do when we when our kids are when they're going to an event or to a barbecue or to a Christmas show or whatever it might be is to one give our kids lots of information, who's going to be there? How long were there for roughly whose place it is all of that sort of stuff? What are the kids that are going to be there, when we get there, really one of us as the adult would just stay with the child a little bit longer than probably what we expect. Like I think sometimes when we go to a party and our kids cling to our legs, or they take a little bit of time to warm up and we say go and go and play with the kids off you go come on up. Alright, you'll be okay. You know, little Billy remember him from last year, he's your cousin. And so that can be quite a lot for a child. And I would even say a lot of adults would really struggle in social settings that we don't know. And or you go into a work function that you don't really know anyone. And then your partner says, Oh, well you go, you can go off and just introduce yourself over there. That can be anxiety producing for adults. And so for our children, remembering that and actually taking a few extra moments to help link them up with the other kids and connect them together. And so it might be that you as the adult. It takes a few moments to go and play a game with all the kids in the backyard or to you know, do some attachment play with a couple other kids that are there so that there's some laughter There's some giggling all of a sudden the kids feel relaxed they feel connected. And then they're off playing in no time, this might take us maybe five or 10 minutes. And it really has been wonderful tool for for women go to parties and for our children, and something that we've been doing for a few years now, really where we just would have take a few moments to make sure that our children feel settled. And rather than us just going straight in to talk to the adults and saying, off you go, you'll be okay, spending some time with our children or having one adult, kind of making sure that the children do feel safe and secure and connected and, you know, in their environment and with the kids. So that and that and also so they know where where to come and find us. And then we can join the party and have adult conversations. So that's something that might be helpful as well, when you're going to family events into parties. Also, with family events, making sure we're really honouring our child's body autonomy, and, you know, not forcing him to say hello, and goodbye to, you know, extended family members that they may not have seen for a really long time, or that we're not saying go and give sons a hug or a kiss. And, you know, we're really honouring their body autonomy, and they're in a yes, and they're No. And so making sure that if they are not wanting to, or don't feel confident in saying goodbye, or Hello, that you can actually do that for them. And it might be something like, ah, you know, little, little Johnny want, you know, says goodbye and see it later. And you can just say that for them. Or you might offer some alternatives. So, rather than a hug, goodbye, you might say, Oh, what about a wave goodbye. Or you might turn to your child and say, How do you How would you like to wave goodbye. And you know, we can just wave we can do a high five, we can do a kiss. And you can say those things. So sometimes I might say to my kids don't do a high fived or cuddled or a kiss or you don't have to do anything. And you know, they get to choose. And it really often by the time they you know, it's time to say goodbye, they often feel really calm and connected. And we'll have some sort of goodbye. But hellos. And goodbyes are really hard for kids. It's really hard for adults as well, sometimes with transitions. And so just being mindful that we're not forcing our kids to do anything throughout this time. And if we can, we can make it really playful. So we've often done silly waves waving goodbye. So we have ear waves and elbow waves and a foot wave and a bottom wave. And, you know, we make it a fun attachment, play game waving goodbye. And that often gets the relatives or the friends involved. And your child's laughing and giggling and feeling comfortable to say goodbye. Same as the entry. Sometimes I'll use attachment play, when we're entering a party, a child might be on my back, or we might be pretending that we can't see them, but they're on my back. And then I'm saying oh, we must have left them in the car can't see them anywhere. Anyone seen Jimmy his way, I don't know where he is. And so meanwhile, he's on my back. And he's giggling and all of a sudden, it's you know, very quickly, they can feel quite comfortable because you're centred and grounded and playful. And you know, everyone will follow your lead often as the parent and so, you know, very quickly with that little game, he's like, hi, and then he's off playing. So just some ideas around attachment play that you can do for social functions and barbecues and family events and things for hellos and goodbyes. And also just respecting our children's autonomy and boundaries and, and yet, and their yeses in their nose with who they say hello to and goodbye to and offer hugs and kisses and things too. So the other thing about that is also just monitoring how your child's going in throughout a social function, you can start to see when your child is building an activation and then in their nervous system and feelings might be bubbling up. And their behaviour starting to go a bit off and they're kind of bouncing off the walls a little bit and if they can. Now it might be that it's like okay, it might be time to go and you offer a loving limited like it's time to go now. And you know, in your leavers family, or it might be simply that you offer a limit and you say, hey, you know, we'll check in if they need anything first, but also whether there's a limit, offering a loving limit, and you might listen to some feelings now it might be in another room or out the front of the house or wherever it might be. It's away from people. But then after a cry and releasing those feelings, they often come back to the party and they're okay for the rest of the time. So just being mindful that if your child is starting to show Do some unenjoyable behaviours, it does not necessarily mean that you need to leave. If you have the capacity to listen offer a loving them and listen there or in a room or somewhere where you feel comfortable that you can listen for five or 10 minutes and then rejoin the party. And often kids are okay, or you bring in some attachment play. And you might get some giggling going, there's been many times at a family function, or even my parents house for dinner or somewhere where we've one of our kids is, you know, got some feelings bubbling up. And we might take them into a bedroom and do some roughhousing on the bed. Or we might go outside and run around and play a game of Red Rover all over or tacy game or a hide and seek game. And that means that, you know, it just gives them that short reconnection with you, it gets a laugh, you get to giggle, you get to you know, shift any frustration that they may have had building with the social interactions or whatever was going on. Having a chance to offload that for five or 10 minutes in family function means that they can then rejoin and often are okay. Also, knowing your kids needs, you know, sometimes it might need your child just might need some quiet time alone in another room for half an hour reading book or doing a quiet activity, just knowing what your child needs to really navigate this time through and thrive through it so that we're not getting a lot of those unenjoyable behaviours, and that we're not expecting too much from our children, when it's a lot on our bodies and their nervous systems to take in when we're going to all of these things, and it's really busy this time of year. A couple other things that I just wanted to mention before I finish up, one is that a little bit about excitement. And so just remembering or reminding parents that excitement is a big emotion for a child to hold and to a sensation in our bodies to feel. And so excitement will often elicit the same sort of behaviours as fear does. And so they're often kind of two sides, the opposites of a coin ze. And so when a kid is afraid, I've got some big fears coming up, they might react, they might, you know, hit their sibling, or they'll do some really kind of unenjoyable strange behaviours, and bounce off the walls and kind of be really, you know, scared type behaviours. But when they're excited, we see similar types of behaviours. And so excitement can feel very similar in in the body of like, Oh, my God, I'm so excited. And I'm bouncing off the walls. And I don't quite know what to do with myself. And so I'm just going to go and hit my sibling over here. And I'm going to jump off here, I'm going to pull the dog's tail and we're like, oh, my gosh, what's going on? Why are you behaving like this when we've just taken you to, you know, Santos Wonderland. So just remembering that excitement can feel really big in a child's body. And so when we're going to these things that are fun, and it's quite common to see some some of these behaviours. So just remembering that they're not doing it on purpose. They're not being ungrateful. They are not, you know, trying to get our attention. They're just trying to manage the excitement in their bodies. And if we can meet that and say, Wow, you must be really excited right now, we're not going to hit out sibling, or we're not going to pull the dog's tail. So you offer a loving limit there. But I can see you're really excited, shall we dance or shake? Or should we move? Or how can we move this excitement through our bodies just like you would fear and frustration and all the other feelings. But recognising that excitement can do the same for our children. The other thing that I wanted to mention, actually, there's probably two more things that I wanted to mention. And these is explained, in a way parenting and hand in hand parenting. So the first one is a broken cookie phenomenon. And that scenario is basically where our children will have big reactions and feelings to something that's quite small. So you've just handed them the cookie and the cookie is broken, and they have a big cry, and like lay on the floor and let it all out and have this huge sort of meltdown or tantrum. I don't love those terms, but you can then know what I'm talking about. So, you know, they're having a huge big cry over something quite small and something that you really have no control over if the cookie is broken or not. And it might be that you've pulled the banana the wrong way. The banana is broken and you want it. They want you to put it back together. And you can't so really that is that is the straw that's broken the camel's back, so to speak, where that's the tipping point for all of the feelings that have accumulated for them to be released. And so, really remembering that it's not about the cookie, it's not about, you know, not having the ice cream or the lolly, or the extra cake at Christmas lunch, whatever it might be, it's just that they have reached their point where the feelings are just bubbling out. And if we can come alongside them, and listen and listen and listen, then often they have a chance to offload. And then they come back into balance. So that's the first one. The second part that I wanted to mention, is the spoiled outing scenario. And so we're talking about this thinking both in our parenting but certainly in hand in hand as well. Where the spoiled outing is like you've gone out as a family, you've had some beautiful connection, maybe you've gone to centres Wonderland, maybe you've gone to the beach with a family for the day, you've had lots of connection, you've gone to a water park or a theme park or out on the river all day or something. And so you've just done this really great thing with your family, and everyone's feeling connected. And then you get into the car, or you get out that just about as you're about to leave, before you even get to the car, there is a broken cookie scenario that happens. And parents go, Oh my gosh, we've just taken you to, you know, wet and wild for the whole day. And this is how you behave, we're not going to be able to come if you keep behaving like this. Or we say we've just had this fun, and now you're spoiling it with this behaviour or now you're spoiling it with these feelings. Stop crying, why are you crying and you know, or they go, what are you crying about, we've just had a great family day. Now this this is a very common scenario that I often talk about with parents is that the family time, the connection time can often build that sense of safety and build the connection and, and the child can feel really happy and loved and connected to you. And what can happen is feelings from another time older feelings, feelings that have accumulated in their body can start to bubble up and out they come. So you know, it might be that the child is like almost saying I feel so connected to you, this has been such a great day, hey, this is also what I'm carrying. And I'm feeling oh, you know, these are some other feelings that I've been holding on to that have been very deep down. But that warmth and connection from the beautiful day you've had means that it's allowed that those feelings to kind of bubble up and be heard. So they're not doing that on purpose. They're not doing it to you know, because they're spoil kids or they're not grateful they are, they've got feelings there to be heard. The other thing is that, you know, with big days like that, it can be really overwhelming for kids, you know, just even, you know, all the different sensations. And if they're out at theme parks, the overwhelming bright lights, or the new things. And so remembering that crying is a way that we will recover from stress and overwhelm. So when we get back into the car, where it's quiet, and we've got space, that is when the feelings will come out, because it's just been so overwhelming for wherever it might, wherever you've been. If it hasn't been a particularly overwhelming environment, then it's then it can often be feelings bubbling up from you know that they've been stored and holding held in their bodies. Either way, your child isn't choosing to behave though that way. They're not doing it because, you know, they're not grateful. As a parent, we we might think that and it may have been what was said to us, but really trying to remember that the tears are helpful. They're not choosing to do that. And if we can have compassion for them and say, wow, it's been a big day, hasn't it? Or you might say, What a wonderful day, I felt so much love today. I'm right here and I'm listening. And that's all you really say. And then you allow the feelings to come and you listen to those, you know, and then you can all move on and get back into balance and off you go. But it can be really hard as a parent because we've often done all this work, we've taken them out, we've gone on, you know take into this wonderful place and created these memories. And then if we are still seeing crying as a bad thing, when I put that in italics, if we're still sad as that it can feel like then oh gosh, you know, the day's been ruined because of this meltdown at the end of the day. But if we can see the crying is helpful, then it we know it doesn't. It doesn't have an effect on the rest of the day. because it's all connection, it's all exactly how it's meant to be. And what I would say to parents is with the broken cookie scenario, or with the spoiled outing kind of scenario, and I say even spoiled, spoiled, it's just that's what it feels like for parents, if they don't understand the importance of crying is that just leave a little bit earlier. So allow space for the feelings because sometimes we find it very hard to listen to feelings, because at the end of the day, were exhausted to we've just taken the family around a theme park, we're probably over over tired and overstimulated. And then they start to have a big cry. And it's probably the last thing that we've got capacity for to listen to. And so there's been many times where I've started to feel like I'm getting towards the edge of my ability to be able to listen. And so that's when we would start to leave or wrap up early. Now, it might mean that we leave half an hour earlier than we would normally. But it gives us half an hour of time to listen to kids, if they're having some big feelings and to knowing that I've still got the space to meet them where they're at. So that's what I would say to parents, I'm like, Just keep track of how you are going and your capacity, and what what's going on in your own body. So that you are able to then show up for your kids, if you know if they've got feelings at the end of the day. So there's some things around connection and holiday season and parties and social things, end of school and start a school holidays really allowing that, you know time for those decompression days and for the feelings to come out. Being mindful of the schedule and how you know how much we've got in for kids and further family, having slow days either side of a busy day, prioritising connection. So really remembering that your presence is probably the biggest gift you can give your kids not necessarily the presence that you buy for them. And the things that you get them. It's your attention, and your connection and your presence. And your just being there with your kids is the biggest gift that you can give anyone. And then just being mindful of, you know, connection when you go to a party, how your nervous system is tracking when when do you need to leave? And or how is your kids you know, going and how are they feeling? And do you need to listen? Or do you need to use play and, and just being aware of the feelings that often can bubble up when you've had lots of family connection time, then kids can have been released after that. So hopefully that's helpful. I'll be on social media. I'll put some things up over the next couple of days with some photos of our Advent connection calendar. And you know, some ideas and things that you might like to include if you want to do one in your family. And it might not be that you do it every day, maybe you do the 12 days of Christmas and you connect for 12 days before Christmas. Or maybe it's more that it's just a a focus once school finishes that there's one thing each day that focuses on connection, whatever it is in your family. If we place connection right up there at the top, then hopefully you will have a wonderful school holidays and thrive through this time rather than feel like we kind of hanging on for the ride. So I am wishing you a very, very happy holiday and festive season. I'll be back next week with another episode but I wanted to get this one in here so that you've got some time to plan for the school holidays and you know the holiday season. So have a lovely week and I will be back next week. Bye for now. Thank you for listening. This episode was brought to you by 21 days of play my self paced course to help bring more play into your every day. Thank you so much for listening. I would love to know your thoughts and feelings and to continue the conversation. You can connect with me on Instagram at Facebook @_Shelleyclarke_  if you'd like to keep in the loop for all my resources and offerings as they happen you can join my mailing list at www.shelleyclarke.com Thank you for all you are doing. Your parenting is important and powerful. Have a lovely day. Bye for now.