A willingness practice for calling in what you want in 2023...

Welcoming you all to 2023, listen as Shelley shares a bit about her willingness practice. A beautiful process Shelley learnt from Marion Rose's work in the Marion Method, hear how you can use the willingness practice to work towards the things you want for this new year.

In this episode you'll learn about:
- What is our will and a willingness practice
- What the difference is between manifesting and willingness
- Why, when we stop trusting our internal compass, we lose access to what we really want
- What an inner loving presence process is and how to offer yourself more love and compassion
- The importance of being congruent with what we’re saying and doing in our bodies, so our children feel it

If you want to live a life where you're fully willing, and life just...  flows, then this is the podcast episode for you!

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This podcast is produced by Nikki O'Brien from Quintessential Being

Transcript

Shelley Clarke  00:00

I wish to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands I live on. I pay my respects to the Kaurna people elders past and present, and honour their ongoing traditions. Welcome to the mind body parenting podcast. I'm your host, Shelley Clarke. Here I talk about all things mind and body and how this relates to ourselves and our parenting. I envision a world where children are seen and heard, and parents feel supported and less alone. Join me here in the power of story, expert knowledge and lived experiences. Let's dive in. Today's episode is brought to you by kids in Adelaide. For all the best events, activities, places to visit and things to do with your kids in Adelaide and around South Australia. Visit www.kidsinadelaide.com.au. Hello, and welcome back to the mind body parenting podcast. I'm your host, Shelley Clarke. And today it is a solo episode from me welcoming you all to 2023. I want to share a little bit about the willingness practice, which is from Marion Rose’s work the Marion method and looking at how we can use the willingness practice to work towards things for the new year. So welcome, welcome to a new year, I really hope that you have had a wonderful Christmas if you celebrate Christmas, but at Christmas and New Year time. It's often a slower time of year for work things but often busier in terms of social gatherings and family gatherings. And so I really hope that you've had a wonderful break. And now you know, starting afresh for 2023. So, where to start for today? Well, whether you set new year's resolutions or not, I find that you know anytime there's a new change in in calendar and a new year, there comes a new energy. And so often we're naturally inclined to kind of look towards things. Now I do this several times throughout the year, it's not just the start of the year. But I tend there's an energy shift for me leading into my birthday. You can you can do this at any time. But I often find the new year is a really lovely time to look towards the year ahead and see if there's any things in your life, any areas that you would love to have them feel a little different. So I often do a willingness practice. And I come back to willingness practices all the time. This is not something I just do once and then and then leave it. So first of all, what I wanted to do is talk a little bit about what is the will and the willingness practice. I've talked a lot about it. I talked a bit about it in different podcasts. And Marian was on my very first episodes, if you wanted to go back to the very first episode last year, she talks about her the Marion method. So the Marion Method is based on three core aspects. So we've got the love where we're meeting our need for loving, attunement, empathy, compassion, having our feelings heard, being listened to all of these things come in the love module or the love part of the work. And then the other aspect. The next pillar would be the will work, and our will is our choice and autonomy, and our agency. It's our expression of who we are in the world. So our will, and our will, energy is who we are and how we express that in the world. And so we're meeting our will needs we all have needs to have our yeses and our nose respected and honoured. To have our will honoured our choices supported, to be able to take action in the things that are really passionate and feel purposeful for us. So that's our will, energy and our will needs being acknowledged, you know, having our time, our timing respected, feeling backed and supported in our choices and to express our ourselves. That's our will. And then the third part of Marion method is is conversations with life and so being in tune with the messages and receiving messages from life and in conversation with The world around us. So today I wanted to talk about our will, and our willingness practices, and, you know, our will is something that often, many of us will have quite a lot of hurts around our will, having a choice to, you know, our choices taken away from us, or being overpowered anytime in our lives means that our will needs may not have been met. And then we can have hurts around those. And especially if we're looking at attachment, and, and will, one of my favourite quotes from Dr. Gabor Mat A is that, you know, he often is quoted saying that we have two needs, one is attachment, and the other is authentic authenticity. But attachment will trump authenticity. And so our attachment, our need to be attached to our caregiver is so strong, because it literally determines our survival, that we will change who we are, or our authenticity is often the thing that that changes to get our attachment needs met. And so many of us have lots of hurts around our will and our authentic expression in the world. Because somewhere in our childhood, or in our schooling years, or in our teenage years, or many, many, many times, we shifted and changed who we were to get our attachment needs met, or to feel loved or to receive love. And so often many of us have hurts around sharing our voices around expressing who we are in the world. And so the willingness work is really a practice to help us come back to that strength and inner power. And when I say power, I mean our inner energy, our inner will, which is very much an action energy, it feels like a strong embodied sense of who we are, and what we're wanting and really creating the life that we desire. And that were at then and that we would that we want. Okay, so what is a willingness practice? So my willingness or willingness practice has helped me to get really clear on what it is that I'm wanting really clear on my yeses in my nose. So what I have a yes to and what's actually a No, before I started doing this work, and really understood it, I didn't really know what I wanted. And I didn't realise how strong and powerful we are when we get really clear on what is a yes? And what is a no? And what are we wanting to create. And so, you know, this practice has really has really changed, changed my life. So I suppose people would say, Well, isn't this manifesting, and it will feel like, it's similar, but it's a very different felt sense. The only way I can describe that is manifesting, often there's still a distance, it's something like you're writing down all the things that you want in the world, and then life just brings them you know, they just happen, you just, it just is created, you manifested it. And it's very much still like an I did that I manifested that. Whereas willingness feels very embodied. And it's there's an understanding that you are a part of everything, you're interconnected with everyone and everything in life around us. And that when you get really clear on what you're wanting, and your willingness that life is in a two way conversation with you, and the world around you, so it's not separate from it's not like when you're manifesting, it just feels like I did that and you put it out there and then life brings it to you or you know, then it just appears with willingness, we're including all of our feelings, listening to younger parts of ourselves, were getting really clear on what we're wanting we are in conversation with life and the world around us. And we're not separate from it all. We're not above it. It's actually that and when I say it, I mean we're not above life. We are a very deeply connected with everything around us and trusting that life is is happening as it's, you know, as it's meant to end as it's supposed to for us. And so that's, you know, a little bit of the difference between manifesting and willingness, and I'm sure Marianne will explain would explain that so much clearer than I just did. But hopefully that gives you a, it's a felt sense would be the difference. And and sometimes when we are manifesting something, we might have an A list the things that we're wanting, but we don't really have any way of then working through those, you know, working towards that. Whereas I find when the willingness practice, I can write out the things that I'm wanting, and then I can look at it and say, Okay, well, am I willing for that? And often, there's a resistance or a felt sense in my body that I'm not willing for that right now. But we can work through and have a practice to work through whatever feelings are coming up, that, you know, we've got steps that we can take to, to actually have full willingness and a full Yes, in our body. So let me explain that a little bit more. I think before I go into what the actual practices, it would be helpful to talk a bit more about that full Yes. And full. No. And this is a big part of the Marin method is understanding what it feels like in our bodies, when something becomes a yes. And when something is a no. Because most of us throughout our lives, have lost that innate knowing of of what's a yes, and what's a no. And it's something I've been reflecting on lately. Actually, I look at my daughter who's eight. And she knows what she likes and what she wants. And she will say yes and no, for example, she started gymnastics last year. And she did one or two weeks of a Tuesday night gymnastics class. Then she got invited to go to the comp the competition group on a Friday night, which was two hours. And it's the group that's, you know, for kids that are stronger in their skills and things like that. Anyway, she started to do that for about two or three weeks or four weeks. And then she said to me, Mum, I don't like this group as much. I want to go back to the Tuesday night group. And I felt myself go, but why would you want to this is, internally, I had these thoughts and feelings and like my, why would you want to go back to Tuesday night, this is the better group, you know, better in quotations. Because, like, this is my conditioning coming out of like, you know, what we've paid for the Friday night group. Now, this is the more advanced group Don't you want to get better at your skills, all of these things ran through my head. But actually, when we talked about it, she's like, I just really liked the Tuesday night group better, I enjoy that one more. And so I was like, okay, you know, email the, the gymnastic centre, and we've swapped her back to the Tuesday night group, and she's loved going and she has been going for a hot, you know, the rest of the term and then into the next term, and she loves her her Tuesday night class. And I reflected on this and thought, was somewhere along the line in in my, you know, childhood and teenage years, and I lost or lost my ability to know what it is that I really want. And to follow that and to have that honoured and, and, you know, not get talked out of it in some way. And this is what I mean by our yeses and noes by following what it is that we're wanting what lights us up, what brings us joy, what is the true expression of who we are? Because somewhere along the line, I lost that and it's, you know, I need a practice, like the willingness practice to come back to to really work it out to work out what I do want what is a yes. And a no in my body? My eight year old who she clearly still has that she's like, Yes, ma'am. I like this. No, I don't I don't want to do this anymore. Okay, let's, you know, all right, let's honour that, as opposed to my internal reaction to her initially wanting to swap was wanting to coerce her to stay or wanting to go, I know, sure. A show you don't want to stay. This one's the, you know, this one's going to improve your skills. And this one's the one that leads to competition and you know, higher skill levels, which is air conditioning, you know, she is wanting to do it for enjoyment and fun and because she loves moving her body and she, you know, the chooser night classes, the one she wants to wants to do. So. This was a clear example. That is my conditioning and my stuff that I caught really quickly. And, you know, I wasn't willing to coerce her to staying on that Friday night and whereas it was my natural kind of reaction to want Do that. And so somewhere along the line, I think about the amount of times that many of us were just talked out of what we were really wanting. And this can be from like a Tuesday night to a Thursday night gymnastics class. Or it can be, Hey, Mom, Dad, I want to go and be an actor. And then our parents saying, Oh, no, there's no money in that. Or, you know, don't be ridiculous, you can only do these jobs. And that would have happened many, many times for many of us, in varying degrees of how much you were supported to do the things that you really, truly loved. And what lights you up and what's a real big yes, in your body? Anyway, so that's a little example of how our yeses and noes can can slowly get overwritten over time. And then we lose the, the access to it. AND, and OR we stop trusting what our yeses and noes are because we keep turning to the adults in our lives to tell us, you know, what it is what is best for us. And I noticed this the other day, as well, I was reflecting on something, making a decision in my life. And I just had this feeling of I just want someone to tell me what to do. I want someone to come along and say, This is what you're doing. This is your path, this is where you're going and do that. And I noticed that part of me that was like, I just want someone to tell me and wondered where, when, or where or how, you know, somewhere along the line where I stopped trusting my internal compass started looking externally for someone to tell me what to do. And so it's just interesting to notice these parts of us. And when we notice these things within us, that is when we can go, Okay, here's a willingness practice. What is it that I'm really wanting? Let's find that internal compass again, let's find that will. And that, that expression of who you are in the world, and that will be different for each of us. And so the yes and no, in your body will feel. You know, it's a feeling it's a it's a sense in your body of like, you know, think of something in your life that is just a yes, like a big, huge. Yes. You know, and it might be that you love singing or you love dancing, or you love writing, or it's a huge yes to spending time with the kids on the weekend. Like just whatever is a yes in your body. That's the that's the full body. Yes. Then you can have a full body No, and a full body is no is when we are just like, like, No, and it's a really strong embodied. No, I have a no to that. No, you are not going to, you know, do that be that whatever it might be. So when we have the full, full bodied, yes, and knows that often kind of easy to follow, where the willingness practice and where this work comes into play, is when there's things in our life that we're really wanting or really desiring. And, you know, there could be goals and things that we're working towards. And we really wanting them. And we go, am I willing for that? And we really do want those things in our lives. But it's very much like a Yeah, yeah, of course I want that. And it's a bit more of a thinkI. Yes. Rather than a full bodied? Yes. Or actually, you know, we're really wanting it but we there's feelings there. There's something that's blocking us stopping us. That's in the way of that being a real full body. Yes. And that's where the willingness practice is, is so helpful. Yeah, so really understanding the yeses in the nose. And when it might be like Yeah, yeah, I'm really wanting that but it sounds very different. It's there's a different quality to your yes and your No, when you're not quite willing, and then we can go through this practice to then shift whatever's in the way so that your willingness is is that full? Yes. So how do you start this what I do and this is what Marian teachers sometimes people don't even know what what they want. And so you know, I say to people, well, what are you really wanting? What what do you want it to look like what do you want your life to look like to feel like to be like, you know, have to be see what what do you want? And they might say, Oh, I don't know, and I'm like okay, well, a good place to start and an easier place sometimes to start is what you don't want because most of us are in a place where we're wanting something to change, and so we're right there in the moment, we know what we don't want, we don't want this, we don't want this, whatever's going on in this moment with this relationship, or I don't want my kids to fight all the time I, you know, one that I'm working on for the new year is I don't want to feel this uncomfortable in my, in my body in my skin. In the last few months, basically, since when I had the miscarriage in October, leading in towards the end of the year I had, and this would be a good example, actually, to do for a willingness practice. And I'll do it with you is that, you know, I had a lot of emotional eating in the last few months. And then with the holiday season, and things happening, and I just have been eating kind of whatever things that I know aren't ideal for my body, and I just feel a bit sluggish, I feel very much a bit of brain fog, tired all the time, because I'm eating a lot more sugar, and that, that doesn't do great with my body. And so I know what I don't want, I don't want to feel bloated, I don't want to feel sluggish and have this brain fog, I don't want, you know, we go through what we're what we're not wanting. And they're quite easy, because we can, we can just list them. I don't want to feel like this, I don't want late nights, I don't want to be sluggish in the morning and really struggled to get out of bed. So then what you want to do is you see make a list of that list, write out a list of what you don't want. And then you can flip them to what you do want. So what's the opposite of those things? Okay, well, I want to feel really energised, I want to feel really well rested in the morning, I want to feel lighter and less bloated. So you know, I want to feel comfortable, and pain free through my stomach. Because often my tummy is really painful to touch. So you know, what are you wanting, I want to feel strong, I want to feel fit. And you know, I get low back pain some times and I have after having, you know, three, three kids, and then two miscarriages in the last couple of years, I feel like my core strength has really dropped off. And so I get back pain, even just when I sleep, if I wake up in the morning and have slept funny, you know, and this is I don't, I don't want this, I want this to be different. And so then we go to what you do want, and you make a list of the things that you do want, I want to feel I want to feel strong, I want to feel fit in my body, I want to feel like I can go for a run with my kids, I want to feel like I have energy to play with them and to keep up with them. Because the last few months, it has been hard, you know, the last few months, I haven't been as playful. And a lot of that comes from how how I feel energy wise. And a lot of that stems from what I'm eating, and how I'm exercising. And you know, really probably in the last three or four months, those things have have dropped off. Now, one thing to notice with the willingness practice, it's not about picking up the sticks and, and guilting and shaming myself into doing these things. It's not me going in, I'm not telling myself, Oh, you're such a terrible person, or you're so unfair. And you always do this. And you'll always do that. You know, I'm not beating myself up, I'm having a lot of love and compassion for myself and for me for the last few months. And it's not about what I shouldn't have done or should be doing or anything like that. When we're doing the willingness practice, it's really about that solid yes and no in your body. As opposed to we're not coercing ourselves, we're not shaming ourselves, this is not like you need to be better. And so you have to do this. And you should be doing that. And it's not coming from a place of coercion. It's coming from a place of a true yes and no in your body. And when it's that it actually happens quite easily. And so going back to my willingness practice, say around fitness and health and food, first of all, what you're not wanting, because that's often an easy place to start. Then you flip to what are you wanting, and you brought them out, you know, Marian will often talk about a willingness wall, where you're putting everything on the wall, which is just I get a piece of paper, and I write down all the things that I'm really wanting, and how I want it to feel and what am I? What am I wanting it to look like? And really specific. If we can get really specific then often you're really clear and then life responds to that you see that more clearly. And you can ask sphere needs to be met, and you can move towards what it is that you're wanting. And so when you go through all the things that you are wanting, you can even include like, in the past exercise for me has been like hard all the time, really, you know, high intensity, and almost like a punishment, like, if I wasn't really smashing my body, then it wasn't exercise, you know, this is pre kids before I actually really learned to love my body and what it's done. And so I would want this to feel easy, I would want exercise to feel enjoyable. And for it to not to be a hard kind of grind, I want it to be things that I love doing, I want the food preparation to feel enjoyable and be a mind full process as opposed to feeling like it's a another thing on my to do list. So these are the things that I'm wanting, I'm wanting to eat to feel enjoyable, I'm wanting to feel strong and fit. And I'm wanting to exercise, you know, three times a week, or five times a week, half an hour a day, and I want it to be these things. And you can get really clear, I want to include the kids in this, I want our family meals to come back into play, because they've dropped off with our busy schedules and things towards the end of last year. And so you can get really clear and you throw it all down on the piece of paper, all the things you're wanting. And then the third part is asking yourself, well, am I willing for this? Am I willing for these things? And then you notice your body reaction? So are you willing for it to be fun and easy? Now, you might say, Well, yeah, of course I'm willing for that. Where do you feel that in your body when you answer? And if you feel it up in your head, then it's very much of a mental Yes. Ahead. Yes. A thinker. Yes. As opposed to a real? Body? Yes. And so if it's, if it's like that, you can ask yourself some more questions. This is where you then go in, you might have a piece of there might be an emotional, you know, some feelings there. Or there might be a belief, there are a thought there that you weren't aware of. And so this is where, if you're not quite willing, yet, you might ask yourself some questions like, well, what am I scared of? or are there some other needs here that haven't been put on the board that you need to be then fully willing? Are there some values or beliefs that are getting in the way, so for me a big one around, I've done some willingness work around my work, and I want work to feel more balanced this year. I want it to when I say balanced, I mean, I just, I worked a lot last year, did some big hours. And I want this year to I still want to be doing the same amount of work as in producing the same amount of work. But I want it to feel easy, easier and more flow in my work and, and probably less late nights. And so what you know, am I willing for that? Well, yeah, I'm willing for that. But there's also a belief there that, you know, you have to work hard, good things come to those who work hard. That was very much a family thing that I heard a lot growing up. And this is where you look at all the parts that might show up around. There's a part of me that thinks, Well, you know, you have to work hard. Otherwise, you know, you don't, you know, you don't make any money. But actually, that's not necessarily true. You know, so there's many people that create beautiful things in the light in their life and have enough money to support their family. And they have ease and flow and it doesn't feel like it's a grind or that they're, they're coercing themselves into working really hard. And so we get to sort of unpack some of the things that might be in the way to our full willingness. And so for me with the workpiece, it's like actually, you know, I heard my my grandpa, both all of my grandparents were farmers. And so they had to work, they worked so hard on the land, to produce their crops and to breed their cattle and they worked hard on the farm really, really hard workers. And so, for me, it's actually shifting that and going, hang on, where can I work more efficiently where err, is my energy best placed? Where can it be? Where can it be easy? And where can it flow? And where am I still coercing myself into doing things that I don't really want to do? Where can I just focus on the things that I really, really want? And that are full? Yes. Rather than doing things that I feel like I have to do. And so you can ask yourself these questions. What am I scared of? What is in the way here? What other needs are here? Are there any feelings coming up from a younger? Younger time? Do you need an inner loving presence process, which is, if you go back to Episode One, Marian talks a little bit about that. And that's where we might offer love and compassion to some of these younger parts that feel like we're there's feelings coming up. For example, I did an inner loving, I did a willingness practice last year around starting this podcast. And I was willing, I was wanting to start a podcast. And I wanted to put out last year I wanted to put out 40 episodes, and I wanted to start a podcast, am I willing for that? And of course, my head was like, Yeah, of course, I'm willing, this is what I'm wanting to do. But it wasn't a full body. Yes, for me. Because I was terrified. I'm scared of failing, I was scared of people not listening, I was scared of people thinking that this was, you know, strange talking about all these different parenting things and Mind Body stuff, and terrified of showing the world who I really am. And so what I actually needed to get to full willingness was I did an inner loving presence process. And it was actually an inner loving Father process where I imagined well, both my mom and my dad I imagined then saying to the younger parts of me or the to the feelings coming up, we love you, we support you. You know, there's nothing you could do that that would disappoint us, we back you. Your voice is so needed in the world. We love your work, we really support your work. And, you know, basically, when I did this piece around really having their support and unconditional love, which my parents love me, and they have supported the podcast, you know, there's an episode, the second to last episode last year, I interviewed them. And it was, you know, about our journey in understanding this paradigm of parenting. So my parents are absolutely incredible. And they're an incredible support in our lives. But to start the podcast, I when I was doing my willingness practice, I could feel that I wasn't quite willing yet, because I was scared, I was scared of not being loved and not being heard of not being you know, of all the things. And often the thing that we are scared of has already happened to us. And this is something that Marian talks a lot about, and so to other experts in the field, that the thing that we're scared of has already happened, you know, if we're scared of public speaking, if we're scared of being humiliated, if we're scared of sharing our voice, where in your life, have you shared your voice, but it wasn't support and it wasn't heard, when we go back to that time, and reparent it or listen to the feelings or listen to whatever it was that you needed? Or maybe it's that you needed support in that moment, and you needed someone to say no, that's not okay, the way that you're treating me or you needed empathy or compassion or those feelings to be heard. Back then, once you go back and do that piece, often the fear in the moment or the current situation, it shifts and so for me to start the podcast and to be really willing, a full body Yes, to start the podcast last year, I needed to do this piece around, you know, having that unconditional support and love from my inner loving parents or from my parents. Now you can do this with the inner loving presence practices, which is where you're using your imagination and your you know, it's a guided practice where you are receiving these things from your inner inner processes. And then I did that at the start of the podcast. And then by the end of the year, the outer world. I received that from my parents, you know, throughout the year, but often, often, the things need to shift in our internal world first and then our outer world responds to how we are internal And so once I done that piece around my parents and, and having their unconditional support to do the podcast, I started the podcast, you know, did it, they jumped on board and they listened and, and really got it and so much shifted. But I needed to do that piece to get to full willingness. So, going back to So that's an example of going back to a feelings that were coming up. Another one that's been clear for me around now, willingness, I was doing a willingness practice around sharing my work in the world, and I'm wanting to share these, you know, this paradigm. But I, when I was talking, you know, doing willingness practice, I wanted to share more of my work. But I also was scared that I would lose connection and time with my kids. And so you can put that on your willingness wall, that you're wanting to share your work in the world, to, you know, express who you are to have your purpose in the world shared, and you want to maintain connection with your children, and you want to still have downtime and time for yourself. And you're wanting to, for it to be well received and understood and supported and loved. And, you know, this is where on your willingness wall, you get to put all the things that you're wanting, and all you know, and, and, and, and, and so that you get to a point where it's all on there. And you're like, Yeah, I'm really willing for that. And so you can do a willingness wall for all aspects of, of your life. So you know, I've for the start, you know, at the moment in this in January, I'm doing a willingness wall for my work for the year, what am I willing for? What am I wanting? What am I wanting the year to look like to feel like? So I'll go through a work willingness, I'll go through what am I willing for my for myself, so I'm willing to change what I'm eating, I'm willing to work on my gut health, I'm willing to work on my core strength and flexibility and strength in my body. I'm willing, you know, this is what I'm willing for? Then you might want to do a willingness practice for your family, how do you want it to feel with your children? How do you want your relationship to feel? How do you want your relationship with your husband? Or partner or wife? Or how are you wanting that to be and feel? You can do a willingness practice for anything in your life? What are you willing for? And you can do that with work colleagues, or you can do it with money, what are you willing, for financially, and financially is a huge one, you know, I've still got an ongoing practice around, you know, money and what you're willing for, because many of us have different stories and beliefs around around money and finances. And so we can do a willingness practice around that. First of all, you ask yourself, What are you not wanting? And then what are you wanting? And then are you willing for that? If it's a full body? Yes. And you're like, Yes, I'm willing for that. You will feel it in your body. If it's a Yeah, I'm willing, sort of, then you might look at well, what am I scared of? What other needs here aren't being looked at? Or, or heard or met? What other what feelings are coming up here? Are the younger parts that need to be listened to and heard? And then are you willing for that? And then when you get to full willingness, that full Yes, of like, Yes, I am. I'm really willing to change the way that I eat, I'm really willing to exercise and to do these things for to feel really good in my body. When you get to a full body. Yes. What will happen is you really feel this, this energy, and it's your will energy. It's like an action energy of like, Yes, I'm really willing for that. And often, the thing that you have just worked through will happen kind of easily, like it just sort of happens. The amount of times now that I have done a willingness practice around something, and then very quickly, after that, there's been this this surge of energy in your will energies felt more like a channel through your body. It's it runs, you know, straight through your centre and your core or, and so often you feel really strong and centred and like, Yes, I'm going to go and do that. And it's a very, very much an action, energy that you will feel. And so often, when I get to true willingness, all of a sudden, you're just doing that thing. And it's, and it happens quite easily. And life responds to that. And it really flows very easily. For example, many, many times when I ran reclaim last year, which is my nine week programme, which actually I'll be running again in February. So starting in probably a month time, there was many times where I was making videos, you know, the content each week for for reclaim. And the amount of times that the video wasn't working, or something wasn't going to plan or the computer wasn't uploading, or it was updating the programme or something was happening happening. And I kept coming back to am I willing for this to happen? Yes. Okay. No, I'm still not fully willing watts here, and there was so much inner work that needed to be shifted and moved. And then once I'd done this piece around, I don't know if this is good enough, I don't know if they were like, what about if, you know, all this stuff came up? These doubts, these fears these. And so I offered love, and I listened and compassion to all of the feelings. And once I'd shifted some really big feelings that I was holding on to the willingness, I was then willing to do this, that piece and that video, and then the video would work, or it would upload, or it would happen really easily. And so, for me in my life, how I use this often every day, or, you know, daily and weave it in and out of my life is when something isn't happening easily. When it's feeling like this is hard, or you're kind of coming up against things, I would ask yourself, are you willing for this? Are you really willing for this? Is this actually a yes? Or is this actually a no? And? Or if it is a yes. And you are really wanting this to happen in your life, this thing? Whatever it is, what else is there for you what pieces are coming up to be heard? Because when you hear those pieces, the willingness then happens quite easily. And I can't tell you the amount of times that this happens in my life where something feels hard. And I'm like, okay, am I willing for this? Yes, I am really wanting it. But I feel like I'm not quite, you know, there's feelings coming up. I'm not quite good enough, or I'm not this or I'm not that. And so I listen to those feelings. And then all of a sudden, that happens quite easily. And that's what happened with the podcast. Once I listened to those feelings. I recorded the first couple of episodes really easily. I loved it. You know, I got 14, I think we launched when we launched 16 episodes in the first eight weeks. And that didn't feel like work for me. It felt easy. I loved it. It was a full body yes for, for doing that. And when we are willing, when we're fully willing. Life, you know, it does feel like that because you're then channelling and using your will energy to create the action and to to do whatever it is. And this even happens with my housework and cleaning and folding washing. Am I willing to fold this now? Is this a yes or no? And when it's a yes, you know, everything just flows and I put things away and house gets cleaned. And it gets done. Because the action energy, the will energy is what we're following. And we're using that as opposed to when I force myself to do the housework or to do things that I don't want to do right then in the moment. We're often then going against our needs, and it feels harder and it feels forced and we're coercing ourselves and we can feel resentful and and it's often because we're not meeting our yeses in our nose. And so sometimes with the housework, it's like actually no, it's a no right now. And I want to nap or I want to rest I want to read my book or I want to play with the kids or I do something whatever is a yes. And then there will come a time where I'm like, Okay, I'm really willing to do this now and I do the thing. That needs to be that one that I want to do. So, hopefully that is a little bit. Let's deep dive into the willingness practice. Our will energy, how we would use the willingness practice. to work through the things that we're wanting, and then how I would do it, you know how I would use it sort of every day? Am I willing for that? Yes, no. Okay. Yes. Am I willing for this? No, it's very much an embodied, felt to sense rather than a thinkI. Yes or No, where we can coercing ourselves. It's like a, it's grounded in your body. And that's what I love about it. Because it's then it's then congruent with what you're feeling. And what you're saying and doing in the world is congruent with, with your true essence with with who you truly are. And so people can feel that they can feel your congruency. They can feel your Yes. And your nose. Your children can feel your Yes, and your nose. And it makes sense to them. When we say yes to something, but it's actually a No, our children can feel that they feel the discrepancy. And it's confusing for them sometimes. And they might think mom just said, she's not angry, but she clearly feels angry. So maybe she must be angry with me. Even if you're not angry with your child, you're just upset or sad, or whatever might be going on for you. And your child asks you What's the matter if something's wrong? You know, what's wrong mom? And you say, Oh, nothing, nothing's wrong. You know, each time that we're not congruent, it sends the message to the child that whatever they were feeling wasn't correct. And, you know, that's how they slowly start to stop listening to their innate awareness and their intuition and start to go, Oh, you're the adult. So you must be right. So I'll listen to you. Yep, nothing's wrong with Mum, I must have been wrong in that sense. And so when we are congruent with what we're saying, in our bodies, it also our children will feel that and they will feel very solid. And they'll learn to trust their own intuition and their own yeses and noes because it feels the same in the environment, to what we're saying and doing. And that's our willingness, you know, when we are really in tune with our yeses and our nose, and we can work on, on what we're wanting in the world with this willingness practice. So hopefully, that's helpful. I will be doing a willingness practice on and I have been in the last, you know, over the new year period, a willingness practice, like I said, around for me health Well, being fun and joy, like a big one for me, I felt last year was I did a lot of work. And that was what I was wanting, I was wanting the year to kind of focus on getting some of my things out of my journals and into the world. And, and this year, I want to focus on me what lights me up, I want to do dance classes, I want to do some pottery, handbuilding pottery classes, I want to get back into swimming, and some boxing classes. And it is the year of me. I turned 40 This year, I want to go on a holiday for my 40s I want to go on a girls trip for my four year with my school friends, because often what all of us are kind of turning 40. So you know, this is my willingness practice for me this year, it's a big focus on me my health strength well being. I want to be able to do a handstand by the end of the year. Am I willing for that? Yeah, you know, this is what I'm willing for. Now, when I say am I willing to do a handstand right now, if you ask me that? I would say no, I'm scared. I'm terrified of my shoulders giving out I'm terrified of tore my rotator cuff a couple of years ago, five or six years ago playing volleyball. And so the thought of doing a handstand really terrifies me right now. But I'm willing to work on these things. And I'm willing, you know, coming back to the willingness practice, so that we shift and we grow and we are able to express who we are in the world and what we're wanting and, and so, yeah, that is the willingness practice. I'll be doing willingness practice for my kids, my family, what am I willing for them? You know, what am I and you can actually sit down with your kids and you can do a willingness practice with them. My really lovely friend, Nick, from peaceful parenting, and Marian rose have a offering of doing willingness practices with your kids. I'll put that link in the show notes actually. And I'll put a I'll also say there's a in the show notes a a summary of the willingness practice for you. So hopefully that is helpful. You can do it with your children. Like I was saying you can sit down and say what are they wanting? What you know, what do they Want for the year. And obviously there's more information and, and support in my course reclaimed that's coming up in a month. So if you wanted to join that the link will be in the show notes as well. And obviously, Marian Rose has the wonder of willingness her course, and a lot more detailed explanation around willingness work and willingness practice. So you can head to her website for more information as well. And her psychospiritual parenting book, which we'll talk about willingness will be out soon, too. So have a wonderful start to your 2023. I have a few more weeks off yet before I start in the clinic. But I wanted to start the podcast back relatively early in the new year so we can start to do these practices and, and plan and look towards what we're wanting for for the for the year for ourselves. So, sending you lots of love for a happy start to 2023 and I'll be back next week with some more. Bye for now. Thank you for listening. This episode was brought to you by 21 days of play my self paced course to help bring more play into your every day. Thank you so much for listening. I would love to know your thoughts and feelings and to continue the conversation. You can connect with me on Instagram and Facebook at  @_ShelleyClarke_ if you'd like to keep in the loop for all my resources and offerings as they happen. You can join my mailing list at www.shelleyclarke.com Thank you for all you're doing. Your parenting is important and powerful. Have a lovely day. Bye for now.