Starting school and the big feelings that come along with it by Shelley Clarke

Continuing on form last week's episode, listen as Shelley shares the tools to helps support your kids (and you) to navigate the big feelings that come up at the start of a school year... whether it's kindy, reception or transitioning into high school. Shelley shares a personal family story so we can better understand what it means to hold space for our kids and meet the feelings underneath the behaviours they may be displaying.
 
In this episode you'll learn about:
- How to deal with the activation that can come up in your body as a parent
- Why it is so important to give yourself compassion for the unseen work of parenting
- How unenjoyable behaviour is really a big red flag that your child needs support to process their big feelings
- Why the withdrawn behaviour is just as alarming as the outwardly unenjoyable behaviour
- Evidence of how parenting this way can help your children develop their awareness and capacity

If you want to support your child for a connected transition to school, then this is the podcast episode for you!

Reclaim yourself and your parenting - nine week program

Continue the conversation with Shelley here:
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https://www.instagram.com/_shelleyclarke_/

This podcast is produced by Nikki O'Brien from Quintessential Being

Transcript

 Shelley Clarke  00:00

I wish to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands I live on. I pay my respects to the Kaurna people elders past and present, and honour their ongoing traditions. Welcome to the Mind, Body, Parenting podcast. I'm your host, Shelley Clarke. Here I talk about all things mind and body and how this relates to ourselves and our parenting. I envision a world where children are seen and heard, and parents feel supported and less alone. Join me here in the power of story, expert knowledge and lived experiences. Let's dive in. Today's episode is brought to you by kids in Adelaide. For all the best events, activities, places to visit and things to do with your kids in Adelaide and around South Australia, visit www.kidsinadelaide.com.au. Hello, and welcome to the mind body parenting podcast. I'm your host, Shelley Clarke and today's episode is another solo one from me, a follow on from last week's episode, which was transitioning or helping our children transition to school, and things that you can do the evening before… in the morning, once you get home from school. But this week, I think this is such a big topic that I wanted to have a part to, or another episode around feelings and school, and our own feelings and our own reactions and some things that we can do to really hold space for our children. And I wanted to share a story that was happening in our house in the last couple of days. And so I'll talk a little bit about that, and give you some examples of what this looks like with our children so that we can start to, like have more capacity to meet our children with their feelings. So I want to start by saying a couple of things. Firstly, if you are having or your children are having, and there's been big feelings in your home, in the last week or two, as we start school, I want to say thank you, thank you for all of your work that you're doing as a parent, this is the unseen work of parenting, the work that happens behind closed doors, often late at night or at times that are really probably inconvenient for us as parents, when we want to go to sleep or when we have things to do. And we are listening to our kids feelings, and we're holding space for all the things that they are going through. Because transitioning to school or starting a new school or starting in reception, or even going back to year nine or year 10 or 12, or whatever it might be, is a really big thing for our kids. And it can feel really intense in their bodies. And it can feel really intense in our bodies. And so I want to say thank you to every single parent that is doing the work. Because this is really important work. And you know, we're not getting paid for it. And no one can see it, we're often not getting even patted on the back for it. So here's your little pat on the back and say thank you for every time you've validated your kids experience every time you've listened to their complaint, every time you've held space for their tears every time you've responded playfully or laughed. And, you know, and it has helped them in some way. So that's the first thing I want to say. The second thing I wanted to say is that I even though I teach this, and I am passionate about this work, I am human like everybody else. And there are days that I respond really well. And there are days where I you know, I lose my call, just like all of us. And so I just wanted to remind people that in a way where like, I really feel you I know how hard this is. Because I find it hard to you know, the other day I was trying to get some work done. I was overwhelmed with the state of the mess of the house. I was trying to write an email and my daughter was seeing in my face and I kind of just looked at her and snapped and was like, stop. And I could see you know, my reaction came out of nowhere for her. But I hadn't really paid attention to the intensity building in my own body. And and so I just sort of snapped and said, stop, stop seeing in my face. And I could see her face go from joy to Oh, what have I done and quickly I was able to repair and I've got an episode and repair and I've talked about that before but you know, I was able to say I'm really sorry. You know, it didn't mean to snap at you. But we you know, this is hard to show up for our kids. Kids into be aware of our own feelings and to work through our own stuff. And to then meet our children with all of the chaos and all of the things that are going on is hard sometimes. And if you find it hard if you have react in ways that are unenjoyable, then I want to send you so much love, because I do it all the time. You know, every day, there's something that I'm like, Ah, you know. So I just want to say this is hard, because it's hard to break these patterns. And it's hard to repair it ourselves, while we're trying to change the way that we respond. And it's tricky. So I just wanted to say that, that, yes, I find this hard, even though I teach it, and I love it, and I live it and I try to live it as much as I can, you know, this transition period of getting everyone off to school, and often we're starting back at work ourselves. There's a lot going on, for families, and so want to say have compassion for yourself, you know, when you don't respond in the ways that you really would love to. Okay, so I've wanted to talk today about how feelings around school and things or transitions or starting something new can feel for children and how it can can come out in, in their behaviours. And I have talked about this before, but I think having examples can be really, really helpful. And I wanted to say that I've asked my daughter if I can share this story with her permission. So she's given me permission to share about it in hopes that it helps other families and other parents with their children too. So I'm recording this like, just after I've dropped her off at her first day of a new school. And she's going into year three. And I wanted to share about the last couple of nights and the weekend with listening to feelings and how it comes out in their behaviours, and just some of the things that she's aware of, and things that she said. And hopefully it might be helpful for the others that are listening. So it this will be different with every child. But when children are feeling their feelings in their bodies, often their behaviour goes off, and it comes out in really unenjoyable ways. And it might be different for each child, you might have a child that withdraws and bites their nails or twelves their hair, or you can feel like they're just really withdrawn into themselves. Maybe they're quite go quiet, or they're really wanting screens all the time, or they're really, you know, hiding away in a room or whatever it might be. Or you might have a child that displays the behaviour outwardly. And so that might be loud noise screaming, yelling, it might be power over another sibling. So, you know, nitpicking at the younger brother, or poking the younger brother, or just making faces at the younger brother, or annoying, annoying them in different ways. And so you've asked, you know, please stop, please stop. If you've asked your child to stop a certain behaviour like once or twice, then you can pretty much tell when they have feelings in their bodies, because the behaviour, they just don't stop, they can't stop, they've lost access to the prefrontal cortex, the thinking part of their brain actually goes offline. And so it's like, they're full of their feelings, they're not able to hear you, they're not able to go, I am mum and dad have said don't do this, or it's not great to, you know, be really mean to my brother, they don't want to be behaving in these ways. They are. And I will often say this to parents, they're picking up a red flag and they're waving it at you. Please come and help me I'm really struggling right now I need your help. And so over the weekend, especially last night, we had a lot of these behaviours coming out in the afternoon. And so I quite quickly, or, you know, I know what this is, and I can see it in my children really early now. And as you do this work more and more, you'll be able to know and recognise what it looks like in each of your children. Some kids, it might be really silly behaviour, where they're bouncing off the walls, and they're really going super silly, and they're talking really, you know, babbling on and all these different things. And so, you know, they will, that will look different for each child. So, when you start to know your children, I know when my daughter has feelings, she starts to power over her younger sibling. And so and she's started to recognise that now as well. And so last night was really interesting. She said, Mom, I've got feelings. Can you come and listen to me? And I was like, Oh, wow. So you know, as we do this work we're building that capacity for our children to be able to recognise that they have something going on for them, and the tools for ways to express it and release it and move through those feelings. And so she's eight, and was able to say, hey, Ma'am, I've got some feelings. Can you come and listen to me? Yes. Wonderful. This is you know, and I was like, Yeah, I'm right here with you. Let's go, let's go into the bedroom. So we went into the bedroom. I said, What's up, and, you know, we started to talk, but her awareness of I've got some agitation and something going on in my body, rather than just going straight over to her sibling. Now, that doesn't happen all the time. But I wanted to share this as progress, because some parents think, Oh, well, is my child just going to be, you know, an adult and like, have a huge meltdown and cry all the time, because we're encouraging feelings. And when listening to the tears, and I'd say what happens is that children really develop that awareness of what's going on in their bodies, and the tools to know what they need to help them move through it. So, you know, she's a, and she's developing the capacity to be able to say, hey, I need your help. I need help right now. And the verbal language skills to be able to say, Oh, can you come and listen to me. Couple other things. She said, We're Mum, I'm really excited about school. But my excitement comes out in anger. So she was walking around the house, just kind of screaming guy, now I'm so angry. And she said to me, Mom, I really want to fight you right now. Which was really, really great awareness. So, you know, the feelings and the anxiety or the worries or the things about starting a new school, so she's starting a brand new school today. And all of these feelings coming up is activating her fight or flight response. And so she was just wanting to fight me, and, and, you know, pinch me and push me over. And so we went into the bedroom. And I said, Okay, I'm right here. I'm with you. What do you need? And first of all, she's like, I don't know. And, you know, screaming, I don't know what I need. And I was like, Okay, well, do you want to push against something. And so we played a bit of a game where she got to push me push against my hands and, and then use her voice. And so she was like, really roaring and using her voice. And then I was just with her, you know, I asked her a few questions around, you know, do you know what it is? What are the feelings? What, what do you what are you noticing? And sometimes our children can articulate this? And they probably can, the older they get. So, you know, eight 910 11, you know, as they get older, they can start to articulate what they are feeling. But our 4,5,6 year olds, it's very hard to often put words into what they are feeling. And when we say to them use your words, or, you know, what are you noticing, and we are talking to them and actually moves them out of that feeling state into more of a cognitive state of talking uses a different part of the brain. And so we often pull them out of their feeling, and it doesn't help them to actually process it through their bodies. And so, for younger kids, I would actually say to parents, just meet them where they're at, you know, play with them laugh, if they're crying, you're listening to the tears, because that is helping them move the emotion and move the feelings through their bodies. And then it's done. It's expressed, it's finished. As they get older, they can articulate a little bit more and put words to it. But again, they still often need to get to the point where they are feeling it, and expressing it through their bodies and moving it and processing it, rather than just talking about it. Because sometimes when we are just talking about it, it's at that mental cognitive level. And you might come up with strategies, and you might come up with things to do and you might come up with like, well, if you're worried about this, then you know, we're going to do this, this and this, they're all really good things. But if we still don't move it through, your body is going to stay there and we can't completely relax in our nervous systems. We can't, you know, relax and fall asleep, we have to be able to help our children to move it through their bodies and process it. And so I sat with her for a while and, and, you know, sometimes this takes time it takes as a parent to not have an agenda and to, you know, be really grounded in our own nervous system. Now, I had plans last night to do some work and what you know, once their kids are asleep to get into doing some work, I had some emails to respond to that sort of thing. So I could even sense a little bit of urgency in my body. And I noticed that and was like, okay, just leave it, Shelley, she needs you right now. And I let that go. And I was just fully present with her, we were in her room, we started to just fold a few things up, and I just let her be for a bit, once we've done a bit of pushing, and then she's like, No, Mom, I really feel like I need to have a cry. But I just, it's just not coming out, which again, I thought was an incredible awareness of what she was needing. And sometimes I don't know, if you, you know, listening have had that experience of like, you just feel like you need to have a big cry, but you can't, maybe the thing that you really need to have a cry about is almost too big, it's too overwhelming. And you think, gosh, if I start crying about that, I'm never going to end and, and so we don't, we just hold it in. And so what we often talk about in a web parenting is a concept called the balance of attention. And so often this is that balance between, it's something that you can cry about, where you can actually feel the feelings and a bubble up to the surface. And then once you've started crying, you can have that often the tears are then flowing, and you're really offloading all of the feelings about whatever it is. And so she was anxious and nervous and excited and worried about school. And so when I, we started to talk about it, it didn't really shift any of the feelings because it was almost too big for her to any access any of the feelings underneath. And so sometimes with our children, talking about the actual subject just feels too much for them. And so they're not able to actually access those feelings and the tears that are the helpful part to process the feelings through their bodies. So we just played in her bedroom for a little while we played some dolls, I started to, you know, there was all mess on her floor. So I was just starting to fold up some clothes. And I said, Oh, some of these are a bit small, do you want to go through them and, you know, let's throw out or like move on the clothes that are a bit small. And so she was happy with that. And she was laying on a bed and we were just chatting while I was kind of folding again, my attention wasn't fully on her. So it wasn't too much for it didn't feel too big. We were unfolding on you know, some clothes and just chatting away. And I was fully there with her I wasn't going to leave, we weren't in any hurry. And we got to a couple of these skirts that were really size fives, which is quite small. And I said I think this skirt, what do you think? Does this still fit you? And she loves the skirt? And she said, Oh, yeah, it does. It does to fit me. And she tried it on. And I was like, Oh, I don't know, what do you think if we pass it on to your cousin, your younger cousin, what about we give it to her. And she started to cry. And I was like, Oh sweetheart. And you know, she's crying over this skirt. And that was the thing, that's the balance of attention. It was enough of the feelings to cry about passing on this skirt, rather than, you know, it being about school. But the skirt was the the access point was the point where she could feel her feelings. And they were bubbling up to the surface. And she felt safe enough, it didn't feel too much or, you know, not enough to not be able to cry and not be able to you know, it's not better feel it. And so this skirt was the thing that she ended up having a whole lot of tears about. But once the tears started to flow, then all of her worries and feelings and things came out about school. But the skirt was the thing, the point that really allowed her to feel those feelings. And I'm sure you know, if you think about in your own life, moments where something has been too big to process, but something smaller, was much easier to be able to actually cry over. And it might be you know, you end up crying over a Huggies ad or a sad, you know, thing that happens advert that happens on the TV or something. And all of a sudden you're crying and you're not sure why. Well that is because it's just enough for us to feel and allow those tears to flow. And then we can, you know, really let the cry out and have a really big sob and a really big cry. And that helps us to process our feelings and move it through our bodies. And so I just said Oh sweetheart, I think we might it might be time you know to move this Get on, and she had a huge cry over it. No, I want to keep it growing up is so hard. And it just feels like time's moving so fast, and I'm gonna miss you. And I don't know whether school toilets are gonna be and, you know, so she would just literally be saying all the worries and concerns and things that flowed out of her. And I was able to hold space for that I was able to say, Yes, I know, I hear you. I'm right here. I'm listening. Tell me more. And you know, she cried hard, really hard for about half an hour, 40 minutes, and we probably that had about a half an hour, 40 minutes of the folding up the packing up, some pushing some, you know, some yelling some, you know, moving a voice and using our voice and moving it through in that way. And then there was probably about a 40 minute lead up until we got to her tears. And she was able to have a big cry, which I held space for. And we were snuggling in bed and she was crying. And then literally was like, okay, Mum, I feel good. Now. I've had enough. I'm ready to go to sleep now. And she rolled over. And about five minutes later, she was asleep. And so I just wanted to share that story. Because well, there's a few things one, that is our natural process. Once we have once we feel really relaxed in our bodies, we can go to sleep, if we are lying there at nighttime, and we're thinking about things we tight or tense. If we're in that sympathetic part of our nervous system, so the fight or flight part of our nervous system, it's very hard to fall asleep. Once we've moved the energy through our bodies, once we've moved those feelings, then we're able to relax and fall asleep very quickly. And so it just I've seen this over and over again with my kids. And now she's even saying it herself where she's like, Oh, Mum, I feel so relaxed. Now I can go to sleep now. That's what she said. And so I wanted to remind parents that if over the next few weeks as your kids are coming home from school, they might get home and there might be some really unenjoyable behaviours, there might be power over other siblings or power over a pet or a dog or something else, or you've asked them to do something and they're not doing it. And you've asked them again and again. And again. I often say to parents, remind them just ask twice, if they've asked if they haven't done it. But the second time, come in with a with connection with offering a loving limit with saying you know, I'm not willing for you to power over your sibling like this or this behaviour or this behaviour, whatever it is, come in with a limit and the limit is often needed by our body we need to get in now we need to get on the floor, get down with them, actually stop them from hitting their sibling or from throwing the thing or whatever it might be. So this is not saying yes to all the behaviours, it's saying no to the unenjoyable behaviours, but yes to the feelings underneath. And then you are holding space for those feelings now, often, as she beautifully quoted at the start saying Mum, I'm really excited about school, but it comes out in anger, often more vulnerable or deeper, kind of feelings are protected by our anger or outrage. And you'll often hear people say, mad is sad’s bodyguard. And so and I'm not sure what who said that originally, because it's been I hear it from many different sources. That mad being angry, it's much easier to be angry and aggressive and outwardly expressing our rage and outrage than it is often for some kids to cry and feel their feelings through their bodies. And so, if your kid comes home from school, and they're powering over a sibling or they're feeling that they're really mad and angry, there's often more feelings underneath. There's often tears, there's some sadness or grief or they're processing some overwhelm and frustration whatever it might be, that's underneath that behaviour. Our job as the parent is to try and meet them where they're at and try and get around or meet that angry behaviour with that aggressive behaviour with play or laughter or connection and try and or a limit or whatever is needed to then help them to reach those tears underneath. And it might take time, it might take a long amount of time, like last night did, I was probably in the room for like two and a half hours total. And it was a late night, but the timer came out, it was like 9:30/ 10 o'clock, and she had been asleep. But, you know, she processed a whole lot of stuff last night. And so the, you know, the reminder of meeting the feelings underneath and helping our children to either get get to the tears, which are the helpful healing part, or the laughter, and the giggling, and that real emotional release through laughter is really, really powerful. And so moving the feelings through is what we want. Because once they've done that, and once it's finished and expressed, and it's like, they take a breath, they often just jump up and go, Ah, okay, well, what's for dinner, or rollover and say, I'm going to sleep now, and they're asleep really quickly. Or they go, Oh, can we clean my teeth now, or they look at you, and they say something, and they're done. They've moved through it so quickly, because that's the natural and normal process. And often as parents, we resist it, because of our own conditioning and our own discomfort in our own bodies. And we try and, you know, stop it or, or teach them a lesson or punish them or reward them or whatever it is around the behaviour. But if we can pause for a moment and try and meet what's underneath, and I know how hard that is for us. So the hopefully that story is helpful. I don't by all means think that it's finished, you know, for us, we're just starting a new school, there's going to be two or three or four weeks, and I would say for parents with, you know, reception, it's a few months of, of listening to our children's feelings of moving of helping them shift what is there and express it and you know, it can be big after school can be big and before bed can be big. So if there are unenjoyable behaviours come in early with a loving limit, hold space for those feelings. But again, sometimes if the feelings are, so if it's too big and too much, it's about finding ways to help them to find their tears and to move it through. So it might not be you know, if you ask your kids like How was school today, they probably won't be able to tell you. Because there's just too much there in the moment. They don't remember it right then and there. But they're probably overwhelmed with the feelings from the day. And so they might then end up crying over the fact that the after school snack isn't what they wanted, or you're sitting in the wrong chair, or you've given them the wrong plate, or they wanted a different drink bottle. That's the thing that they cry over, then keep them there with crying over that. And that's the access point, all the feelings that they've held into in for the day. So hopefully, that's helpful story around our SWOT, it can look like that it is often, you know, a big lot of work, but for parents, but it means that your children can, you know, doing the things that they, you know, they they can they can then get off to school, and they thrive when they're there, because they're not full of feelings for the day. They're not in that fight or flight part of their nervous system because they've had a chance to offload it all. So the other part that I wanted to share about or talk about for this podcast is our own reactions or responses. Because it can be really a lot for us to hold when our children are going through these transitions. It can feel really intense in our own bodies. And so making sure we're finding ways to address our own needs. So what is it that you're needing? Is it exercise or food or water or making sure we're getting all of our physical needs met, but also having ways to process our own activation in our body and moving it through our own bodies? That might be exercise, moving, dancing, singing at the top of your lungs, you know, there's a reason why when your music’s cranked up really loud and you're having a good old belt out of a song and you're singing it in a car that you feel so good afterwards because you're shifting tension. You're using your voice as a big part of helping our body shift from that fight or flight response back into the balanced parasympathetic part of our nervous system the rest and digest social All engagement part of our nervous system. And so singing is great using your voice. This morning, we put on some music and we had a big dance off and a big sing off right before leaving, it's really helpful to have ways to move this activation through our own bodies. Of course, our own tears, you know, calling a friend having a big cry about your kids starting school, or whatever it might be my youngest starts kindy on Wednesday. So this is our last kid starting, you know, they're starting kindy. And so moving those feelings through in a safe place, having your own tears heard is really, really helpful. Laughing You know, finding jokes, having funny, having a big belly laugh with a friend, or whatever it might be, is really helpful, again, to shift our own tension in our bodies. Yawning is another one shaking, trembling, these are ways that we can shift these emotions through our bodies, and then we're able to hold more for our children were able to be that safe space for our children to that offload all of their feelings. And sometimes this might be, you know, most of the time this is for me is surrendering, or letting go of like the to do list or the thing that I always that I had on my, you know, I needed to do this for work, or this or this or this, and, and really letting a lot of things go to going you know, this is the most important thing right now is showing up for my kids in this way. Yes, my house is a mess, the dishes aren't done the folding, I've got about 50 million, you know, baskets of folding today. But last night, that's where I was needed, and letting go of all the other things. If it's possible, sometimes we can't sometimes we have to have something done or we, you know, whatever it might be, but where can we surrender and soften and allow ourselves to rest if we need it so that we can then show up for our kids around pick up time, or after school time, where in your day, you know, can you find moments for you so that you're able to then hold this for your children. And then just a couple other ones that I have talked to parents a little bit about lately, and I thought it might be helpful to share for other parents but and it came up actually in our the reset challenge last week, which I held for three nights last week with a wonderful group of parents. And one of the things I talk about in there is around stopping, you know when kids are screaming, or we're feeling really activated in their bodies, and we're about to explode. And we've can feel that pressure in our own nervous systems where we're like, Oh, my God, I'm about to yell or scream or react is to stop and pause. And then we want to be able to feel our feet and feel our bodies. And sometimes this is really, really hard to do I know. And so a couple of things that I do, which is helpful. Obviously breathing is amazing. So when we breathe, and we extend our exhale, and I've said this before, when we breathe out for longer than we're breathing in for it helps shift us out of that fight or flight part of our nervous system back into the calmer, parasympathetic part, the rest and digest the balanced you know, karma state. So breathing out for longer is a bit is helpful. But one of the things that I have done in the past where I feel like throwing something, I feel like fighting someone, I feel like yelling at them, I will lay flat on the floor, wherever you are, I will lay flat on the floor in the kitchen, laying on the kitchen floor. And I lay there and because I'm on the ground, I'm literally grounded my whole body is in contact with the ground. And that Okay, can I feel my body? Can I feel my feet? Can I wiggle my toes? Can I just lay here and see if I can feel the floor. And that is a way one of interrupting our responses of interrupting our reaction. Often parents say to me, I go from zero to 100 really quickly. I'm like, I know. I I know that because I've been there I do that. And I also want to say there is time, there is time between zero and 100. Often though, we're not attuned to our own body or not attuned to our own needs. And it doesn't feel like there's time but there is. And so what I have noticed in my own responses is that I used to think there was no time and then I realised it was like a millisecond And then I realised there was like, Oh, two milliseconds. And then I realised there was like, oh, there's a half a second, actually. And now I realise there's a second or there's 10 seconds, or there's 30 seconds. And so there is time between the zero and screaming, or reacting or losing it, or whatever it might be. And so sometimes laying on the floor, just, that was all I could think of. And so I was like, lay on the floor, done. And it was really, it's great. And I think I heard that from Patty workflow, actually, from hand in hand parenting, so I want to acknowledge her, the laying on the floor, like interrupt our own thinking, our own thoughts, our feelings, and and then feel that and breathe and even count to 10, when you're on the floor, count to five, whatever, you're able to do count to 30 ways that we can interrupt so that we buy ourselves and we, I imagine like, spreading out that time between zero and 100, you know, you know, like a film if you're editing a film, or a video that you're editing. And, you know, there's no time between that shot and that shot. But actually, when you slow it down and pause and really stretch out that footage, there's heaps of time, that's how I imagine our responses to our children, there is time when you slow it down and stretch that, that out, there is actually time there for us to choose how we respond to our children. So lying on the floor is a really good one, the other one I often do is wash my hands or a splash water on my face. So again, it's often in the kitchen, that, um, you know, loud noises and bouncing balls and trying to do a heap of things and, or is when my siblings are fighting. So when the siblings are not my siblings, but when the kids are fighting, when the siblings are screaming and yelling, and fight, you know, there's something going on between them. And that really gets activated in my body. And so rather than moving into the room, that wherever they are in, I might go to the bathroom, wash my hands and then respond differently. Or I'll splash water on my face ways that I can interrupt my reaction and create that space to then respond in the ways that I want to. And it might be playfully, or it might be with a limit, or it might be with something coming in and say, hey, you know, let's see what's happening here. What am I noticing what's going on? What's yours, what's yours, and I'm coming in if they need me to. And so yeah, so these are the things that are helpful, especially with our kids coming home from school, or, you know, with things starting back up this week, I wanted to give you some tips to really help us stay grounded and connected to ourselves in the moment. And then we can respond to our children. So those two things laying on the floor, washing your hands, or splashing your face, going and grabbing a drink of water, something that helps us to create that space from zero to 100. And then we're able to respond in the ways that we want to. So hopefully, this has been another helpful episode around helping children with their big feelings from school, transitioning through this time helping ourselves through this time too. And as always, one of the first places I start with is eliciting partnerships. So you know, having a space to talk about what's coming up for you to process your own feelings from school, Saturday night. So yeah, over the weekend, I was really overwhelmed. I had a big lot of feelings come up, I felt really overwhelmed with the mess of the house with all the stuff that's been out with the school holidays, that we hadn't prepared things, we still had this and this and this and this, and I just was flooded with everything. And then when I get in those states of kind of overwhelming anxiety, I then think of all the things we haven't done, oh my god, we haven't mowed the lawn. We haven't registered this and we haven't paid this bill. And we need to do this. And oh, and we haven't updated the wheels yet. And my brain goes into spin mode and I will recognise it now I know what that is. I used to spend days and days and days and most of my time spinning in my head, very mental very much in that then everything gets overwhelming. And then I noticed every little thing that my husband hasn't done I noticed every little thing that the kids are doing. And so I really, you know, I get into this spin and most and most of us can relate to that in some way. Where then we notice everything can we're in this hyper vigilant mode of overwhelm and for me that's that is a big flag that I'm not okay time to have some listening time. And I will contact my listening partner or you know, have a weekly listening partnership anyway, where then I'm able to offload all of these things. And they listen. And the listening partnership is where we swap time. And I've talked about this before, it's one of the tools from hand in hand parenting. And a web parenting also uses it as well. And so but it's come out of the work of Patti Webflow with hand in hand parenting, and it's a really powerful way of offloading our own feelings and offloading our own tensions, and often having a big cry ourselves or laughing or whatever it might be. And that can be really, really helpful to then, you know, once I've often had a listening partnership and a big cry, my 45,000 things on my to do list, I go, ah, none of them are important, let's go play or I'll do these two things have dinner. And, yeah, I do need to hand that in, or I do need to respond to that email, I'll do those two things. And then I'm okay. And so working through our own stuff is going to be is really important throughout this time, while you're helping your kids transition back to school or starting school or, or whatever it might be, which is probably a perfect segue into me talking about reclaim, which is my nine week programme. And it's going to start Monday, the 13th of Feb. I was going to start next week, but I'm actually going to push it back a week to start Monday the 13th of Feb instead. Because I'm even feeling like this week is a lot for for my family with everyone starting back. And I feel like it might be helpful for other families as well just to have another week of settling in before doing a programme if you wanted to join. So reclaim yourself and your parenting is a nine week programme with me. And we you get weekly course content delivered to you, you've got a course login or an email every Monday morning, there's about an hour of content. So each week we talk about a different topic. And it weaves in everything I know. So there's a way parenting it's, you know, being philosophy around it, where parenting, we also talk about the body and the nervous system, we have a week on feelings and listening to feelings. There's a weak on understanding our sensory systems and how we process the world. So we're looking at our own stuff, it's a big, big focus is looking at our own stuff, and helping us to process our own things coming up and our own feelings and make sense of our stories so that we can then parent in this way with our children, there is a focus on the kids as well. There's a Facebook group where I answer any questions that are kid related. There's plenty of chance for Q&A and questions with me. So there's often game ideas and things that we are doing. So it not only shifts your own stuff, and re parents, you know, the big focus on re parenting, but how and what is going on for your kids and how we can help make some changes in your family. So that over the nine weeks, which is you know, just over two months, you know, you see some really big changes in your families. And last year, it was a wonderful nine weeks, the families that joined really had, you know, life changing transformations, which I'll be sharing over the next couple of weeks as well. But what else with the programme, there's weekly calls as well. So you get content each week, and then you get a live call each week with me the live calls will be on Wednesday evenings. And then some of the Q&A is will be on a Saturday afternoon as well. And so really, it's just nine weeks with me, it's an immersion into your parenting, it's an immersion into having a look at your own imprints and stories and support in this work and support in parenting in this way. So I really loved running it last year. So it's open again, at the moment, I'll be sharing more about it in the next couple of weeks. And it is $550 to join for the full nine weeks, you get lifetime access to that. And then you can join any other live round that I run as well. So I already know there's a few families that are planning to come again. And you know, dive back into the material and have the support and ask questions and and so you know, you can join in each time that I run it. So I'll share more about that. I'll put the link in the show notes to reclaim if you are wanting to know more you can go and have a read. You can send me an email with any questions. I'm more than happy to answer anything that might be helpful for parents to jump in and I know sometimes parents think Oh, it's so busy. A, how am I going to do a course or look at this, you know, look at this stuff, it's so busy. And I want to say that you don't have to do any of the content, you can come to the live calls, you can not come to the live calls, you can watch the replays in your own time, there really isn't any half dues in any of it, you get to pick and choose at your own pace. And I'm there to answer any questions and just, you know, come and join me for for nine weeks to help shift yourself and your family and in doing this work. So I will put the link in the show notes for that. And hopefully, if anyone has any questions, then reach out. But I'm really excited to run that again this year. And I will run it later in the year. And there's a payment plan options. And I would also like to say if financially, you would really love to do this course. But you know financially at the moment, it's really hard or you know, there's you're going through financial hardship, please email me and reach out. Because I am offering a couple of scholarship places to join the course, I really want families to be able to access information and access support. And so I'm passionate about that. So I've got a few spots available for scholarships, if you'd like to do reclaim, but just think, you know, you just wouldn't be able to afford it right now. Then please reach out and we can have a chat. So I think that's all for today I'm sending you so much love around your kids starting school or kindy or childcare, whatever it might be so much compassion for you as the parent for any ways that we responded that aren't enjoyable or that you feel like let's not how I wanted to respond, sending you so much love. I'm sending you love for any feelings that are coming up for you around your child starting school, the activation in your own bodies, you know, just a couple of those things to help shift our responses, and then be able to respond in the ways that you want to. So I'm sending you so much love. This is a big time of year for many, many families. And I'm here if you need please reach out. Please ask me any questions and I will answer them in a podcast. And I'll be back next week hopefully with some more interviews, and have a wonderful day. Bye for now. Thank you so much for listening. I would love to know your thoughts and feelings and to continue the conversation. You can connect with me on Instagram and Facebook@_shelleyclarke_. If you'd like to keep in the loop for all my resources and offerings as they happen you can join my mailing list at www.shelleyclarke.com Thank you for all you are doing. Your parenting is important and powerful. Have a lovely day. Bye for now.