How burnout and adrenal fatigue affect our parenting (and health) with Shelley Clarke

Parenting comes with many seasons, some more comfortable and enjoyable than others... so what do we do when we feel ourselves being stretched to our very limits? In today's episode Shelley chats to us candidly about navigating her family and burnout and ways that we can support ourselves to move through these hard phases in our parenting.
 
In this episode you'll learn about:
- the power of listening to your body and it's yes' and no's
- how you can reframe rest and connection as the most productive thing you can do
-  why the body remembers certain times of year and how to navigate that
- the healing phenomenon of laughter with friends
- what coming back to the basics can do for your health... and so much more!

If you want to shift back into energy and connection within your family, then this is the podcast episode for you!

21 days of play course

Continue the conversation with Shelley here:
https://www.facebook.com/shelleyclarkemindbodyparenting
https://www.instagram.com/_shelleyclarke_/

This podcast is produced by Nikki O'Brien from Quintessential Being

Transcript

Shelley Clarke  0:00  

I wish to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands I live on. I pay my respects to the Kaurna people, elders past and present, and honour their ongoing traditions. Welcome to the mind body parenting podcast. I'm your host, Shelley Clarke. Here I talk about all things mind and body and how this relates to ourselves and our parenting. I envision a world where children are seen and heard, and parents feel supported and less alone. Join me here in the power of story, expert knowledge and lived experiences. Let's dive in. Today's episode is brought to you by kids in Adelaide. For all the best events, activities, places to visit and things to do with your kids in Adelaide and around South Australia. Visit www.kidsinadelaide.com.au. Welcome back to the mind body parenting podcast. I'm your host, Shelley Clarke. And I am so excited to be back podcasting. Today. It has been a good while since I've released an episode. And so today it will be a solo episode from me talking about the last few months and what I've been navigating in my family and my process in the last few months. And so I wanted to talk about that and talk about burnout and ways that we can support ourselves to move through these hard phases in our parenting, and I'll talk about my programme reclaim, which is starting again. And it's for three months of parenting support with me. And it starts in a week's time. So I'll talk about that at the end. I did want to do a bit of a content warning before I dive in and start to talk because I will talk more about miscarriage and early infant and pregnancy loss. And so if this is something that you don't feel up for listening today, then, you know, maybe skip back or look back and find a different episode or come back when you feel a bit more apt for it. Okay, let's dive in. So where do I start, I suppose what I wanted to cover today is really talking about the last few months, which has been really hard for me, I've been experiencing a lot of burnout, I would say it would be a feeling of Yeah, feeling exhausted. Which I know many of us can relate to as mothers and if we work or have a job or even if we don't and where at home, just the constant demands on us as mothers and parents. So I wanted to talk about what's been going on for us and, and a little bit about where I've been in terms of I haven't really been putting out podcasts. And I haven't really been on social media much. It's changed a bit in the last couple of weeks. But really from the start of the year until about June, it's taken me feels like it's taken me six months to recover from Christmas and New Year. So I wanted to talk a little bit about burnout, but also wanted to talk about my journey or that this whole process or this time has been a really powerful process for me. And it really started back in October when when we had our second miscarriage. So I'll talk a little bit about that in a minute as well. And I wanted to give some ideas or talk about what I've been doing to build my energy back up again and to build capacity. And and really when I say that I have actually still been working. I've been seeing clients in my clinic and I've been working with my parenting clients. So it's not like I haven't been working and parenting still. But I just have not had the energy or capacity for anything extra. And so the podcast and social media and any kind of extra things in my business, how I've really had to just let go of or drop. Just let that expectation of me putting out a weekly podcast, go and be okay with that. And for a little while. I was like oh I'm letting people down. Because I haven't put out a podcast and put them out each week and people listen. And if there's not there, then what will they think or, you know, these things ran through my head. And I actually had to reassure myself or use a lot of my processes that I teach. And then I've learned over the years, to really come back to listening deeply to my body, and listening to what I needed over the last few months. And so, in the last four or five months, my husband took on another role Basketball, basketball coaching from about October, until March this year. And so for those five or six months, he was away, on and off, and I was doing a lot of parenting solo parenting. My daughter was also homeschooling for the term fall of last year. And then at the start of this year, we transitioned her to another school. So she moved schools, which I did talk about in one of the earlier podcasts. So if you want to, if you're interested in that, you can have a look at one of the podcasts at the start of the year around transitioning to school. So you know, settling her into another school is is no small thing. And so I found that the first few months of the year have just felt really big, really, really big. And felt like we were getting sick and slammed from every direction around sickness and every kid bringing home something different from kindy, and childcare, and oak Indian School. And then also this feeling for me of burnout of feeling a real lack of any energy or lack of connection to my work, or, to my why. And so when my husband, you know, finished the basketball, it was just a reminder for me that we can go along in the survival part of our nervous system, we can, we can get things done, we can go and go and go. And especially if that has been our pattern for a really long time, you know, throughout my early teenage years and early 20s, you know, the ability to go and to have my nervous system on and activated. And so we can often go and do a lot of things and get things done. And so I think for a lot of the last few months or over the Christmas and New Year in the busy period, I was very much like yeah, go go, go go go, I was in the zone I was getting things done. And then there was a couple of months there, where my where my husband was home a lot more, and I then crashed. And so I'm not sure if you've had a similar thing happened to you. But when we are in the fight or flight part of our nervous system, which is the sympathetic part of the nervous system,

Shelley Clarke  8:14  

we can often get stuck there. Or we can run at that pace for quite a long time until we hit burnout or hit a point where our body, you know, we can't stay in that overdrive state anymore, and it can start to affect our health. And so I certainly have had adrenal fatigue early in my mothering after sort of two kids. And before I really learned how to take care of myself and how to put my needs first and any of these practices. I you know, had adrenal fatigue, I was really low in energy. Like, it was really, it was really hard. And so I could feel myself heading towards those that same feeling of burnout. Now, I would say that I have felt like that I've managed it. Well, in a sense of, okay, what can I drop here? What, you know, where can I let things you know, put them down for a little while knowing that I can come back to them when I have some some more energy and time and space. And so that's, you know, that's what's happened over the last few months. I'm just trying to take more time to rest. And sometimes that can be hard for many of us to actually rest. Sometimes it can feel really uncomfortable for us to rest because it's not something that we saw growing up. It's not something that was encouraged growing up, and so resting can be really hard. And so I made a really conscious effort. But in decision that I would go to bed earlier, I would look after my body and listen to my body and what I had energy for. And so that's what I've been doing over the last few months. And at times, it's really frustrating because I was like, oh, I want to do all this work. I've got this on, and I want to run this, and I want to do that, but actually really coming back to, I just don't have the energy. And it was a no. And one of the things that I teach, and that I've learned from the beautiful Marian rose, and all of her work, is really listening to my body's yeses and noes. And, you know, what is a yes? is a really big strong, yes. And then what is A? I'm not sure, is probably a no. And tuning into what's a yes, and what's a no and following that, and really looking at, where we are shooting ourselves. So where we, where we are saying things like I should do subs, such and such, I should do this, this and this, but actually, what I really want to do is lay in bed and read a book, or, you know, I should do, or, you know, even with me, I should be doing a podcast every week, or I should be doing more, or whatever it might be, but actually really listening to my body. And I think over the last four or five months, there has been many, many times where I've been really called to listen on an even deeper level, to what I was needing. And so I want to share this with, with those listening today, to remind to remind you, you know, where are you listening to your body? Are you listening to your body, where you still shooting yourself into doing something that you don't necessarily want to do? What in your life can you say no to, to free up more time and space and some time for you and some capacity building time where you get to rest. So, you know, that's what's been happening over the last few months. And along was a big part of this process. And what I wanted to talk a little bit more about is the power of our body, and that our bodies really hold so much of the answers. And they they know what's going on and really listening to our bodies, and tuning back in with our bodies. And this is a process that I'm I've learned over and over and over again. But when when we fell pregnant last year, and we lost the baby at 12 weeks again, it starts a process in our body in my body energetically, I would I would have one with my due date was around May the start of May. And so around April, sort of pretty much all of April, I had this really deep sense of sadness and grief. And it was actually even before that it was a lot of there's been a lot of tears shed in the last few months around the miscarriage and the loss of not having another baby, but also coming to terms with all the decision with that we probably won't have any more children. And so it's just been a huge journey and process throughout his last few months, grieving the loss but also grieving the fact that I probably won't have any more kids and so grieving that my birthing days and being pregnant days and breastfeeding days have come to an end. And so there's been a lot and a lot of tears shed and a lot of days of feeling sad and underlying lethargy and tiredness and a lack of connection to what I'm doing and what my work is doing. And, and so really what I wanted to share is that we go through we all go We through these phases and stages of our lives where things will feel really hard and they will will, will be thrown curveballs and things will come at us emotionally, and it will feel hard. And that's, you know, often part of the process. And it has been a hard few months for me. But I also wanted to share some of the things that I have been doing. And the other point I did want to make with the body is that our bodies, our bodies know, and I found it fascinating. This time around that, in April, as I said, before I was cried a lot, and, you know, did a lot of grieving, but I also had this urge to really go inward and shut everything down around me other than the bare minimum of, you know, my kids and, you know, my clients and work things, but not doing too much extra things. And all they wanted to do was lay in bed and watch Netflix and read books and do not much. And I realised that actually, I would have been about 36 weeks pregnant. And that often around that time, we tend to go in Word and we, you know, you're in the final stages of pregnancy, and you're slowing down and you're preparing for birth. And so I think this whole process over the last few months for me has been about birth in another way. And it's a, it's birthing a new version of me. And I really felt that through sort of March and April, and almost to the day that we were due, I felt an energetic shift on, you know, the due date, or it was actually two weeks after the due date, because I tend to go over with pregnancies. So there was a day in May that I said, Well, I know, we would have had a baby by now. And almost that that weekend, I had a big cry to a listening partner, and another big cry with my mentor, Marian rose. And, you know, I was crying a lot about the fact that we would have had a baby, then and grieving that. But also, within a couple of days, or almost the next day, I woke up and felt this shift in my body lightness returned, some energy returned, I could start to feel a flame, kind of flickering internally, again, for work for life for a new direction. And so that was sort of early May. And and since then really nourishing that, that flame of energy, and I could feel that

returning to my body. And so I think I also wanted to share that story in hope that maybe it might help us remember that our bodies, remember. And that feelings will come up at times of the year when things have happened, you know, in the past, and so there's been deaths or miscarriages or big events that have happened at certain times of the year. And sometimes we can feel a melancholy, or a sadness or just the low kind of flat feeling. And we don't really know why. And then we remember I, Yeah, it's May, May is, always big for me because of this, this and this. And it's always just a fascinating thing for me that our bodies remember, and the more that we are able to tune into that and create space and allow for those feelings to come up to be heard. And I'll talk more in a minute about what are some of the things that I have done over this time to, you know, to help shift these feelings and have them heard and to move through them. But when we have a space for these feelings to come up, it can really change how we feel around those hard times of the year. So a really a reminder about the power of our bodies and that our bodies know that the there's always a subconscious process or an unconscious process going on. And the more aware or the, you know, the more space we have to tune into our bodies, and really deeply listen, we can move through things, not not faster, it's not about how quickly we move through them, but just that we can trust the process. And we can consciously use the, you know, tools to connect in with ourselves and move through whatever is coming up for us. So, that's a bit of a summary of the last few months, I wanted to just highlight or talk to a few things that I've found that have been really powerful that I've been reminded of, and it might help you if you're having a hard time at the moment, or if it feels big, with winter and sicknesses and whatever else might be happening in your family. So I talked about following our bodies and, and resting and really creating some space for that. And so I lowered the expectation of everything that I was doing at home, and you know, housework. And I've said to my husband, I really, I really don't have a whole lot of extra capacity, and said that I need days for rest. And so there'll be days where I'm like, I'm out, can you have the kids for the morning or that afternoon, or the whole day, and I just need to rest. And on those days, I would actually lay in bed and and watch TV or movie or read a book or sleep or stare out of the window and just watch the trees, whatever was whatever you my body felt called to do. That's what I tried to do. And so really looking at your relationship with rest? How? How do you find rest, you find it easy? Do you find it hard to ask for help, so that you can rest really looking at our imprints and our stories around these things. Because when I can rest, then, you know, it means energy can shift, you know, things can shift and my energy can return. So I can do the things that I want to do. So looking at rest, the other thing that has really, really helped shift things is connection, and having safe spaces to be heard and held through these feelings. And so, you know, that has been a combination for me of therapists, parenting mentors, listening partners, which are free. And so not all of these things have cost money. I know it's really hard financially for many families at the moment. And so finding things that are nourishing for our soul that you know, won't upset her family budget. And so it's been a combination for me of these things. But friendships, or the other thing that's happened in this last few months is that I turned 40 on the weekend. And so last weekend was my birthday. And a lot of this, these big feelings and this big transition and time of change, I think was also leading up to the portal of of turning 40. And so back in April, a group of my school friends, old, old friends, like we have been friends. Some of us have been friends for 40 years, we were born 10 days apart. And our parents were friends. And so I've known this group of girls for a very long time, women. And we went away nine of us for a weekend away with no kids to celebrate our 40th we all turned 40 In this year, and it was the most incredible reminder of the power of connection, the power of women. And when we meet and spend time together, the healing that occurs now we didn't do any particular it wasn't a healing retreat. It was we went to Cannes we hung out at the house. We swam in the pool. We went snorkelling a few a bunch of us went for a mountain bike ride some and we've went on a tube riding thing floating down the river. But the laughter The laughter that we had and the connection that you know we hadn't some of us hadn't seen each other for a really long time. But because we're old friends from school, it you You could just fall back into the safety and connection of old friendships and the laughter, the laughter that we had. And going into that weekend, I really felt quite burnt out, quiet, lost a bit unsure of where I was going, what's going to happen, felt a bit stuck all of those feelings as we move through a time of transition. And so, yeah, I remember feeling that weekend feeling really, like I really needed a break, and we went away, and we've laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed, and coming back from that weekend. So that was April, certainly could feel a shift, you know, that little bit of a flicker of that flame and that energy returning. And so, I suppose I wanted to remind you about laughter. And that sometimes when we were moving through big heavy feelings, it can feel serious, it can feel hard, it can feel heavy. And just to have the reminder of laughter and the power of laughter. And so, yeah, if you can find a friend that makes you laugh, if you can, you know, meet up with some girlfriends and have a really silly, funny time, if you can engage with some play and some laughter with your children, where you are wholeheartedly having your own belly laughs It is really, really powerful. And, and healing for us. When we laugh, we actually process and release emotion through laughter. And so as much as I've cried a lot in the last few months, I've also laughed a lot as well. And so I just wanted to remind you listening, that, you know, laughter is really powerful as well and connection with friends, and having safe spaces, to cry and have your feelings, heard and held. That can be with friendships, it can be with a partner, it can be with a family member, it can be in a group setting, whatever it might be. But finding those safe spaces to laugh and cry, really helped shift things for me.

The other thing that, you know, there's other things that I've did over that time, from a body sense in terms of having regular body work and cranial sacral work, which is always a regular for me, but you know, checking in and going to the doctor and getting blood tests done and checking vitamin levels and mineral levels and checking my iron and doing those things, and really coming back to basics with gut health and food and nutrition. And, you know, going right back to basics of good nutrition, moving my body in nourishing ways, not punishing ways, but walking and yoga and stretching and gentle movements for my body. You know, things like sleep, making sure I'm drinking enough water. So really coming back to the basic pillars of nutrition, food, water, making sure I've gotten those basics covered, good sleep habits, connection with friends, laughter, crying, and resting. You know, those were the things that I've been doing a lot of over the last few months. And in the last couple of weeks, I've felt a really big shift. As I turned as my birthday rolled around, again, I've sort of woke up the next morning and I just had this huge amount of energy and I was okay, whoa, I'm 40 and I felt this shift back to having more capacity and energy and connection and zest for life, I suppose, which I'm very used to having. And so when I when I I know when other feelings come up, that moving through them and doing the things that I just talked about the rest of the sleep, the laughter, the crying, the movement, doing those things, has really helped me come back to a place where I feel energised again and reconnected with my why and I feel more connected to myself and Matt and the kids. So yeah, that is really good. What I wanted to talk about, I hope that that has been helpful. I hope, Oh, the other thing that I with movement and exercise is I started to do some jogging. And which I, again, lose the love running. But over the years, haven't got back, you know, I've done some running but then got injured and then then didn't run for six months, and then you build up again, and then I get injured or whatever it might be. And so I started on a really, really, really slow, slow, slow paced jogging programme, which I honestly, I'll just tell another funny story. But I met this lady on a beach. She was 68 years old. And I was coming onto the beach with our dog, and she was holidaying in our, in our area. And we're staying at a caravan park on the beach. And so she was walking and she said, how are you? And I said, I must have said how are you? And she's like, I am fantastic. And I was like, Oh, wow, are you? Like why? And she said, I'm retired. I'm travelling around Australia. I'm on holidays, the weather's amazing. I'm on the beach. And life is just amazing. And I was like, Oh, wow. And so she proceeded to walk at the same pace that I was jogging. That's how slow my jog has been to build up this, you know, a consistent jogging pace. And so I literally jogged alongside her for the next three kilometres up the beach was about kind of half actually. And then, but we just talked and she taught talk to me about told me about her kids and how they've retired and she was so full of life. And so it was those connections that I came home and it was contagious. I was like, oh my god, I just met this lady on the beach. And she was so full of life and so positive and happy. And she kept on walking. And then I jumped back out. And I also said to my husband like, and she was walking at the same pace was chalky.

And so, you know, it's just humbling that she's very fast walker, and I was I am jogging very slowly. And so it was, it's just been a reminder of what's most important for me, but also for many of us, is coming back to the basics of connection to ourselves, to those around us, to our loved ones, to our children, and even, you know, our connection to our purpose and what we're here for and and so for me, that's sort of my work, what, what am I doing with it? And what is my purpose, and I felt like over the last few months, it was really challenged, or I was called to go a lot deeper and get really clear on what what those things are and to reconnect with that in a new way. And so yeah, that is where I've been, that's a summary of the last few months. And so I hope that it has been helpful, one to hear and just hear how things have been going and hear those stories, but to just a reminder of, you know, how are you with rest? How are you at the moment with listening to your body? How you with the basics around nutrition, and gut health and food and water intake? How are you with sleep? And then looking at where, you know, where am I able to be held in whatever feelings are coming up for me with crying? And where can I laugh, you know, I need a really good laugh. Who can I connect with in my life that brings that laughter and we can connect in that way. And so coming back to these basic things really can build our energy and help us move through some of these hard times in our parenting journey or even in life, not just parenting, not just parenting but in life in general. So I wanted to also talk about my course reclaim, which I was going to run in March but again that was one of the things that once schools term started I just felt like I couldn't didn't have capacity. Earlier in the year, and so I postponed it. And I'm running it again. So it starts next Monday, June 24. And it will be 12 is about 11 weeks with me. So there's nine modules, pre recorded video modules. And we will cover a different topic each, each week. And then there's a live call each Saturday and there'll be 10 live calls. So you get almost three months with me. And it's three months to really support your parenting. And so I think it ties in with what I was just talking about, because I feel like I've have capacity to hold space for people now. And if you would like to have a space where you your feelings can be heard, where you can laugh, where you can cry, where you can have your questions answered, where you can feel held in your parenting, then that is what I wish for, for people that join reclaim. And the nine modules we cover a range of topics. And so there's an introduction into a web parenting, talking about feelings and listening and the needs of our children and children's behaviour, but also ourselves as parents, there's an intro into doing our own work. So psychosynthesis work and looking at our own part subconscious parts that come up and why we have, you know, big feelings come up in our parenting. And then week three, we look at the brain and the nervous system, a bit about how our brain works and our nervous systems work, you know, as I was talking about earlier, in the podcast around the fight or flight response, and you know, how we can move between these different parts of our nervous systems. So that's week three, week four, we talk about the sensory systems, how we process the world around us, and that is different for every child and every adult, and looking at what those needs might be. So we can understand our children in a different way. And ourselves, actually, so many of the parents that did the course last year, actually realised that I'm really sensitive to noise. And I really love this way of touch, but I don't like this or they really got some insights into their sensory profiles, really. And they found that incredibly helpful for asking for their own needs to be met, and understanding their children's needs. So that's week four. Week five, we talk about rest and our imprint and our relationship to rest. And there's some exercises around some meditation and mindfulness and things for week five.

Shelley Clarke  38:06  

Then week six, we do an introduction into Marian Rose's work actually around love and empathy and compassion, and increasing our increasing our ability to respond empathetically to ourselves and to our children. So we do an introduction into RE parenting ourselves. Week Seven. It's the next module for Marion's work around will and understanding what is the will and the which is our autonomy and our authentic expression in the world and how that you know how we lose that as we move through our lives and so reclaiming our power and looking at our powerlessness and feeling more powerful and empowered in our parenting and in our lives. So we talked about that. And then week eight is the third part of Marion's work conversations with life. And so it's an introduction into that, what is that how we can have a deeper connection to ourselves, our children and and our, you know, the lives we have and the life around us. And then week nine, we recap that. So the last few weeks, really, a few weeks of integration. So you've got time to ask me questions, catch up on any modules, you've actually got lifetime access to the module, so you don't have to do it in that time. I know parents are very, very busy. So we cover a lot of information and really, this is the best of all the things that I have learned in the last 10 years of doing this work and condensing it into a 12 week course with me, where you can learn the modules in your own time. And you know, people you can listen to them on audio, you can watch them on video. And there's PDFs for each week as well, to summarise and workbooks and things. And then you can jump on a live call with me and ask me questions. And you know, we're doing listening time and laugh. And it's a really supportive place. There's also a Facebook group for questions, which I'll answer in each week as well. And I think that is about all, you get my play course free as well, which is 21 days of play. And that's all about play, and ways that we can be more playful with our kids. And so that's a bit of a summary about reclaim, it's $550 to join for the five weeks. And I've also opened it up that anytime I run a live round, you can join again. So I have several parents from last year that are planning to come to the calls again, and to join in again, as a refresher, and reconnect with the work and a reminder, and they can join again for free. So once you've joined, you can join every round. So if you'd like to find out a bit more, you can head to my website, Shelly clark.com. And it's under the program's reclaim, you can have a little bit more information, there'll be links in the show notes to reclaim to find out a bit more. And if you've got any other questions, please reach out and let me know because I would love to answer them. And if you would love some support, then I would love to walk alongside you and support you in your parenting. It's a it was a wonderful course last year, and I'm really, really excited and looking forward to running it again. So that's all from me for today. I hope you are all well wherever you are and listening to this. I'm so incredibly grateful for all of you that listen, gosh, I'm gonna start to cry. I'm really, really grateful for everyone that listens to the podcast. And thank you for listening even when episodes have been sporadic. And for all of your support, because I wouldn't be able to do this without you and all the people that are listening. So I hope you are well wherever you might be. And sending you so much love and have a lovely day. And I will be back soon with some more episodes. Bye for now. Thank you so much for listening. I would love to know your thoughts and feelings and to continue the conversation. You can connect with me on Instagram at Facebook @_shelleyclarke_. If you'd like to keep in the loop for all my resources and offerings as they happen you can join my mailing list at www.shelleyclarke.com Thank you for all you are doing. Your parenting is important and powerful. Have a lovely day. Bye for now.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai